This Dad Sent Back His Kids Trophies: I Agree With Him

I am not a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, but as a football fan, I have tremendous respect for the organization.  Since I was a young fan during the Terry Bradshaw and Steel Curtain era, the Steelers have played the game at a very high level and have been one of the most respect organizations in professional sports.  The Steelers have always been known for a ferocious defense that usually had at least one or two very aggressive hitters.  One of those in the not too distant past was James Harrison.  Harrison had a very successful professional career and I can visualize a number of punishing hits he dished out on the playing field.  Yet it is not something that he did on the field that has drawn my attention to him.  It’s not even something he did as a linebacker.  This article is all about something he did as a dad.  What did he do?  When his sons came home with some really cool looking participation trophies, he sent them back!

When Harrison played, he had to earn everything he ever achieved as an N.F.L. linebacker.  No one gave him trophies for showing up.  He was an underrated free agent out of Kent State University.  These guys don’t get big contracts or signing bonuses.  They are kind of like walk-ons at college.  They have to fight and scrap to get on the field and grab the attention of their coaches in those brutal summer N.F.L. training camps.  Harrison did that and eventually became a five-time Pro Bowl player that earned two Super Bowl rings.  Nothing was ever given to James Harrison, and he wasn’t going to stand for anything to be given to his sons.  If his sons were going to receive a trophy, they were going to earn them like he and his teammates earned those Super Bowl rings.

Don’t get confused that this is about win at all costs.  There is nothing to suggest that Harrison had that kind of an attitude when it came to his sons and their participation in youth sports.  He may have very well had that attitude for himself as a professional football player, but there is nothing to suggest this was his attitude toward his sons.  No, his attitude is one that I wish more parents had when it comes to raising their children: Nothing is given to you.  You have to earn it.  I have bemoaned what I have seen as a ridiculous practice in one of my favorite sports, wrestling, that I have seen develop over the years, and I believe has had a detrimental effect on the sport.  In youth wrestling in Iowa and I would guess other places, most youth tournaments have been turned into fundraisers for high school teams and wrestling clubs.  They aren’t about the development of young wrestlers.  How do you make more money for your team or club?  You attract more wrestlers to your tournament who’s parents are willing to shell out a $10.00 to $15.00 entry fee, pay $5.00 at the gate to get into watch their kid wrestle, and pay for food at the concession stand.  It can be quite lucrative for a small town high school program or wrestling club!  But how do you get the kids to come to your tournament rather than another one on the same day?  You give a bigger trophy to the winner and medals to everyone who comes.  Even the young boy that gets pinned three times gets a medal, stands on the podium, and gets his picture taken.  In essence, his parents bought him a medal with the entry fee and he has a tangible award for getting pinned three times.  What did he earn?  It is no different at the end of the soccer season when the coach or the league hands out a trophy to all of the players who were on the team, whether they won the league championship or didn’t win a game.  Everyone gets a trophy!  This is where James Harrison pushed back and said to the football league his boys played in, “You can keep your trophies.  My sons didn’t earn them." 

Harrison posted this on Facebook, along with a pictures of the trophies his sons brought home:

“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very                proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them 'til the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy.  I’m not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I’m not about to raise to boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best…cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better…not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues"

I see the same thing in school.  We have some students that think that they should get a good grade because they showed up, or handed in a paper, regardless of the quality of work.  It has been my mission the past twenty years to raise the bar and demand more because to succeed in life you have to do more than show up.  An “A” on a paper or a test should be earned.  Grade inflation has ruined public education and all one has to do is talk to veteran teachers who have been in the profession for thirty years.  I have asked the question: “Is your “A” that you give today based on the same quality standard of work that it was 30-years ago?”  The response is 100% “No!”  So I have followed up with “Why?”  And that is where it gets difficult.  When teachers actually reflect on why this has happened they don’t like what they see.  Parental pressure and concern about the self-esteem of their children are the two most common answers.  Many educators got tired of the complaining and the challenges from parents, and basically gave in.  Many got tired of the fight.  Some felt pressure from principals because they were getting pressure from parents and their bosses.  And then the concern about building confidence through tangible reward era came about, and before you know what happened, yesterday’s “C” had become today’s “A,” and people like me have asked, “What have they done to earn it?"

No, I was never a fan of James Harrison on the football field.  He was a vicious player that I felt stepped over the line.  However, I am a fan of James Harrison, the dad that wants his children to earn what they get.

What Is A Good Man?

I ran across a quote a while back that I have held on to and pondered a number of times.  It struck me at the time I first read it, and since then I have continued to contemplate what it means.  The quote is: A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.  It kinds of reminds me of the chorus to a song I recall from many years ago, and like the words to a song, it can be interpreted different ways.

A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.

My initial attempt to make sense of this runs along the line of being true to oneself and not presenting a false image of who we are.  People often have an impression of what they believe they should be, most often linked with how they define success.  Based on that impression they sometimes succumb to creating a false image of themselves so that others view them as successful.  Based on the quote above, they live a lie, but eventually they are exposed and others see them for who they truly are.  I think back to a person that I knew about thirty years ago when I was a young teacher.  I’ll refer to him as Richard, a person who had returned to his hometown after receiving an education at one of our nation’s military academies and serving his country as a military officer for a number of years.  Once back in his home community he began a career in the financial business and by all accounts accumulated a great deal of wealth in a relatively short period of time.  He was more than a little arrogant, and was a fairly influential person in the community, though he was not highly engaged in voluntary groups, or for that matter, any community organizations.  Neither he or any of him family members “flashed” wealth, but it was believed by most they had a lot of money because they would take what at that time were considered exotic trips. 

Eventually stories started circulate around the community that Richard would take advantage of his pilot’s license and fly his wife to the east coast for a Friday night dinner at a five-star restaurant because he could, or send his wife and daughter to L.A. for a three day weekend and shopping spree on Rodeo Drive.  Then word of week-long vacations to the Caribbean and Europe started to circulate, though few if any people ever heard about them first-hand.  Were the stories true, or were they part of the typical small town rumor mill?  One would suppose that there was at least some truth to that because all of a sudden in the late 80’s, Richard suddenly disappeared, running out on his wife and kids and blowing out of town.  Gone like a ghost.  Why?  Well, not long after it was exposed that through his financial dealings he cheated a number of people and regulators eventually caught up with him.  The positive is that he was found and justice was served as he spent time behind bars.  He was exposed.  He wasn’t the patriot, wholesome family man, and honest businessman people had thought.  He lived a lie and was nothing more than a man.

I most often look at this quote and believe that it best references being honest with oneself, and the importance of continuing to become a better you.  Particularly after we have lived for a few years, we have a chance to reflect and assess whether we are being the best person we can be.  Everyone makes mistakes in life, poor choices, and probably shared a few white lies.  Many of us have acted at least a little selfish, some making the decision to do something for ourself rather than something that could benefit others.  We tell stories over a few beers and stretch the truth and as time goes on and our memory fades a bit, perhaps that truth-stretching is unintended.  Maybe we have been obsessed with chasing the gold ring and having nice things at the expense of developing strong relationships with sons and daughters, family and friends.

I once lived in a community where status was very important.  Even if one did not have a great deal of money or a job that is highly respected, they would buy expensive cars and boats, party hard in expensive clothes, and act as if they were extra-special and better than others.  I could not wait to move on, and it was nice to live in a couple of communities where people accepted one another for who they were, and people were not obsessed with putting on airs.  Being able to accept oneself and who you are is admirable, and hopefully that comes to each of us sooner rather than later.

A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.

Drama Queens: Gotta’ Love Them!

 

When I first saw this I had a really good chuckle, and then I shared it with our guidance counselor, Bill Clark.  I cannot begin to estimate the number of conversations we have had over the years about the “drama queens” that create such chaos at school.  A few years back I referred to these girls as ones who “starred in their own soap opera.”  They love attention.  They believe that their experiences are different than anyone else’s.  And, they end up causing a lot of trouble and a lot of collateral damage.  A drama queen is an attention hog who isn’t happy unless they have 1) caused a number of people to express a level of concern and 2) they have caused emotional damage for at least one other person. In my years of public education, the unscientific estimate is that there are generally one to three of these in each class of 70 to 80 students.  

Social psychologists have written at length that we are currently living in a period of unprecedented narcissism among young people.  Never before have we had a generation of teens and young adults that are more wrapped up in themselves than those that we have today.  This is reflected in their music, as noted by Tim Elmore who recently wrote about how many of the popular songs today have “I” or “me” in the title.  The Youtube phenomenon allows anyone who wants to be seen or noticed to put their “show” up for anyone to watch.  I was amazed how popular and recognizable people I have never heard of from online “channels” are who were running the Amazing Race.  If you own a smart phone, you can shoot video and  get people to watch you!  

From the perspective of a school employee, working with drama queens becomes very time consuming and emotionally draining.   They can become a real problem.  Digging into this, there are various definitions that describe these people.  Wikipedia defines a drama queen as a person who habitually responds to situations in a melodramatic way.  The Urban Dictionary has a similar definition: an overly dramatic person.  Webster defines them as a person (especially a woman) who acts as though things are much worse than they really are.  In an article published in Scientific American, they are referred to as a person who reacts everyday with excessive emotion and behaves in a theatrical, attention-grabbing way.  Does this sound like anyone you know?

At school, the individual that has to deal with drama queens more than anyone is our counselor.  However, they have an impact on nearly everyone they are in contact with.  They often become “time suckers” and force people to spend time with them.  In order to do that, other work they may have, or other people they need to attend to, are often pushed off to the side, to be attended to later.  At times they create chaos because of the reactions and responses from other students.  Sometimes they turn quickly on their closest friends and the resulting fall-out taxes the resources we have available.  It is not unusual for them to threaten violence toward themselves or others, and many of them suffer from depression or anxiety.

Drama queens are very real.  Some of the ones we have at our school have become one due to trauma they experienced in childhood.  Research by the Child Trauma Academy found that some "children who experience trauma undergo changes in brain chemistry that result in them becoming moody, oversensitive to stimulation, and unable to accurately assess certain social and environmental cues."

Neglect is another factor in young people craving the attention and acting in the manner of a drama queen.  Parents that ignore or dismiss a child’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions may find their child behaving in a much more dramatic fashion in order to get their attention.  In fact, some children develop borderline personality disorder (BPD) and will do whatever is necessary to get attention, from dressing provocatively to telling wild stories.

A 2004 study by John Gunderson of Harvard Medical School suggests that drama queens may have come about due to their DNA. According to Gunderson,  "27% of the relatives of a person with BPD display aspects of the disorder’s problematic relationship style.”  Simply said, drama queens are often the progeny of drama queens.

When we accept that these students and their over-reaction to sometimes common events may have their behavior ingrained on their brain, we can develop strategies to that help us teach other students to distance themselves from them, and at the same time practice empathy.  As adults we can also be better equipped with strategies to help them acknowledge that their problems are no different than those faced by others.  Giving them time initially is a basic human response, but the learning  comes when lines are drawn  so that the drama queens develop an awareness of others.  When that is reinforced consistently, there can be less drama in our queens!

The Cubs Have Nothing On These Guys!

On May 7, 2016, the Leicester City soccer team hoisted the Barclay Premier League cup high into the sky in front of their fans signifying that they were the champions of the most prestigious league in professional sports in the world.  Actually, they clinched the title five days earlier when the second place team, the Tottenham Hot Spurs from London were tied by their across town rivals Chelsea, making it impossible for them to accumulate enough points to catch Leicester City.

Known as the Foxes, the story of this championship team is the most amazing story in sport in terms of the underdog or the unexpected.  Taking home the trophy energized a community as it represented every David over Goliath, small city versus big city, small-budget versus deep pockets story one could conjure up.  A team of journeyman players, some who has spent more years playing in the “minor leagues” of professional soccer than on the big stage, came together and put on a season-long display of teamwork and unselfish play that will be long remembered by their fans and sports aficionados.

How impressive was their victory?  In a nation know for betting parlors setting a line on nearly any competitive event, and in a league with online betting companies sponsoring more than one team, the consensus odds on Leicester City winning the Barclay’s Premier League prior to the start of the season was 5000 to 1.  Comparatively, the odds for defending champions Chelsea were 6 to 5 and for Manchester City they were set at 12 to 5.  They finished 10th and 4th respectively.  The longest shot to win the Kentucky Derby rarely has odds less than 80 to 1!  Actually, there is really no analogy to make here because of the truly ridiculously small chance that anyone gave the Foxes to win it all.

To add more perspective, Leicester City had never won a championship of any kind in their 132 year history!  Hey, at least the Chicago Cubs won a World Series 107 years ago in 1908!  To compare, Cubs fans have another 25 years to wait before they can truly complain, though one would have to believe that they have the best shot of winning it all this year that they have had in decades. 

In England’s incredibly fair tiered system, Leicester City was in the third tier as recently as 2008.  To put that in perspective, that would be as if the recent World Series champion Kansas City Royals were playing in Double A ball eight years ago.  All of the leagues have what they call relegation, and in the highest level, the Premier League, the three teams at the bottom of the standings at the end of the year move down a league and the top three teams from the second division move up.  It happens all the way up and down the league structure.  So that means that in seven years the Foxes moved from tier three through second division and into the “major league” of British soccer.  And then they become champions!  That is an incredible story!

Hopefully for long suffering Cub fans this will be the year.  Perhaps the odds are too good for that to happen since they were the favorites of Vegas oddsmakers prior to the start of the season.  But if not, maybe they should call a Leicester City fan to see how they deal with years of frustration and disappointment since they had more practice . . . until now!

It Has Come To This!

I am actually writing this article on the morning when the headline  on CNN.com says AMBUSH, in reference to six cops shot in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, which comes on the heels of a brutal week when two unarmed African-American men were killed by cops, and then five cops were killed by a lone gunman in Dallas, with another seven injured.  Then throw in the crazed truck driver that mowed down hundreds of people in Nice, France, killing at least 80 and one has to ask “Have we all gone mad?”  Racism, terrorism, guns, religion, politics . . . all of these have played a role in  what is going on.  I was a very young boy and have little memory of the “hot summer of 1969” when cities in our country burned, primarily due to civil unrest.  I am worried about what is happening right now because just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.

Over the course of my 54+ years on this planet, I have seen unthinkable things happen, some of them to the extent that I have really questioned humanity and whether there is really any hope for the human race.  As I have gotten older it has been harder to accept the atrocities that man has been responsible for, yet I continue to believe that there is more good in this world than bad, though that belief is really getting a challenge here in the summer of 2016.  Toss in the incredibly mean-spirited and boorish campaign being led by our Republican candidate for President and my faith is really being tested.  With all of that said, I recently saw something that I never thought I would see.

Since I have been the principal at North Fayette Valley High School, one of the neatest things I have had the honor of being part of is the exchange with Uberlingen Gymnasium in Germany.  This is truly an incredible experience and in the three that I have been involved with, I have seen nothing but positive experiences and goodwill between people from two different cultures.  Yes, many of us in our community are of German ancestry and these folks really aren’t much different from us.  However, in the last two exchanges, because of world events there has been at least a little bit of trepidation about travel because of concerns of what is happening in other parts of the world.  From a more personal standpoint, my wife loves to travel and has been to Europe a handful of times in addition to a few other countries, and in recent years we have started paying attention to what the State Department has said about safe travel in other parts of the world.  In all honesty, along with my daughter, I was very concerned about traveling to Mexico last Christmas, even though we were headed to safer part of the country dominated by the tourist trade.  It is not uncommon for us to hear about “no travel” warnings because of unrest in various parts of the world. 

However, did you ever imagine that our country would be the one where warnings were given regarding travel?  Can you believe that other countries are warning their citizens that it is not safe to travel to the United States of America?  Well, it’s true.  On July 10, 2016, The Bahamas' Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Immigration warned its citizens traveling to the United States of "recent tensions in some American cities over shootings of young black males by police officers.  The government of the majority-black Caribbean nation emphasized in a statement that its travelers should avoid crowds and demonstrations in the U.S. Young men, specifically, should "exercise extreme caution in affected cities in their interactions with the police ... Do not be confrontational and cooperate.”  That warning came ahead of the Bahamian Independence Day when many Bahamians travel to the United States.  Earlier this year, the United Kingdom cautioned its LGBT community to steer clear of North Carolina and Mississippi due to recent legislation passed in both states.  It seems that the shoe is on the other foot.

I have never had the courage that my wife has had when it comes to exploring new places.  She can tell you a number of embarrassing stories about my fears when we have traveled, even here in the United States!  But that said, I believe that most of us have a strong belief in the safety of our country.  No, there are places that many of us would not feel safe, but we have a choice of whether or not we go to those places.  However, it seems very strange for the United States to be lumped into a group of countries that includes Iraq, Syria, Mali, Bangladesh, Mali, Laos, and Venezuela as dangerous places for visitors.  It seems disheartening to me that we are included on the same list as those countries where one would have to fear for their safety.  Yes, it has some to this.

Updated Information on the Effects of Social Media

I understand if people think that I have gotten a little lazy this summer with my blog posts, relying upon the work of others and just passing it on to you rather than writing my own.  And yes, to an extent, that is true.  However, I have been writing on a number of topics so that I have at least all of my first semester articles ready before school starts next month.  For this one, I am falling back to Tim Elmore again and am sharing three articles he posted in the past couple of weeks about social media.  Elmore has conducted a number of focus groups as part of his research and shares about what he learned about social media.  There are three articles that will basically give you the pro’s and con’s of social media.  After reading them myself, all of these observations are true about students at North Fayette Valley High School.  I believe that we have taken a very reasonable approach that has evolved over the years in terms of access to phones and media, but in the past year we have had conversation that perhaps we need to tighten things up.  This fall there will be at least a few teachers that will not allow student to have possession of their phone in their classroom.  I think after reading these articles you will understand why.

Six Potential Downsides of Social Media

The Potential Upside of Social Media

Raised in a Day of Social Media

Iowa, Did You Know?

Five years ago this August I was in attendance at the School Administrators of Iowa Conference in Des Moines when this video was shown for the first time.  I had not watched it again until one of our teachers sent it to me recently. To truly digest it all a person needs to watch it two or three times and then reflect a bit upon some of the statistical information that is presented.  I can hear people saying “change is tough” and others “why do we have to change?”  Rarely do I have conversation of any length with people when some reference to the past isn’t made, often nostalgic.  But the reality is that change happens and things are not the same as they once were, and they are not going back.  Iowans are bright, hard-working people, and despite what critics say, we are still providing a top-notch education for our students thanks to dedicated and committed educators.  Can that be sustained?  Not unless changes are made.  Can Iowa compete in the global economy?  Only if changes are made.  Take a little time to watch this video.

Iowa, Did You Know?