Should We Monitor Our Kids' Social Media Use?

By now anyone who has followed my blog or heard me speak in various venues knows how I feel about students and social media.  I am not a fan at all, particularly when they are at school or in proximity of other people.  I can go on with reasons for this belief, and have.  However, that is not what is important for this article.  My favorite blogger about young people and leadership, Tim Elmore, shared his perspective on whether or not parents should monitor their child’s social media activity.  Obviously if I am including this on my blog, he must have a position close to mine!  Well, he does, and he articulates it much better than I can.  Give this a read as I believe his argument is very convincing.

Should We Monitor Our Kids’ Social Media Use?

https://growingleaders.com/blog/should-we-monitor-our-kids-social-media-use/?mc_cid=1fe2af7a48&mc_eid=2e5183e691

I’ll Be Back!

As I wrote the title Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Terminator voice echoes in my mind!  I hope that you don’t take this as a threat as was intended in that movie!  Actually, my last column was back in April, and honestly, I just could not allocate the time to keep writing two new articles for the blog each month.  I have remarked to others that this past school year was the most demanding of my professional career, and there were some things that I really like to do that I had to set aside.  My practice is to have a number of articles in various stages of completion and then just put them in the blog, trying to stay a few articles ahead.  However, I fell behind and just could not keep up.  So, this summer I am working to complete a number of articles for the upcoming school year so that I won’t fall behind, and will also have a few started that I can complete in a short amount of time.  That said, I will have articles ready to go August 1 and will continue to update a couple of times each month through the school year!  See you then!

Social Media and Your Mental Health

For those of you that regularly read this blog, my columns in the newsletter, or have been around when I have have shared my thoughts about smartphones and social media, you already know that I have very strong, negative feelings about the impact both are having on youth today.  I have spent a lot of time reading research and talking to people who are a heck of a lot smarter than me about this topic, and nothing I have read or heard has changed my opinion.  Smartphones and social media are corrupting our kids today, causing mental health issues, standing in the way of their learning, impacting how they develop relationships, and adding stress to already difficult lives.

In a study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Royal Society for Public Health, some very interested findings were shared in their report regarding use of social media, particularly with Instagram, a very popular platform used by our students.  I have included an article about this study from Time magazine.  After reading it I would strongly encourage you to have a conversation with your child, and require that they give you access to their Instagram accounts.  Yes, accounts plural, because most of our Instagram users at NFVHS have two, the one they refer to as their “regular” account, and their “spam” account where they post the “bad stuff.”  Most of your kids are going to tell you they don’t have a spam account, but I am telling you they most likely do.  Be persistent!  Give this article a read.

Why Instagram Is the Worst Social Media for Mental Health

http://time.com/4793331/instagram-social-media-mental-health/

Girls Can Do Math and Science

I recall the first episode of the revolutionary television program The Wonder Years that premiered after the 1988 Super Bowl.  Somewhere in a box stored away I have recordings of every episode on VHS tapes that I will most likely never watch.  It is probably my favorite television show because it took me back to my childhood, though I was a few years younger than the main character, Kevin Arnold.  There were many nights when I could picture myself in that show.  

Another character in the show that made a big impression on fans was Kevin’s girl friend, Winnie Cooper, played by Danica McKellar.  Many of the storylines took viewers through the joy,  pain, and awkwardness of young adolescent boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, as well as the culture classes that took place in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.  For many of us that remember televisions shows from our youth (or younger adult years!), we sometimes have those moments wondering whatever happened to some of the stars in those shows we were dedicated to.  In the case of Danica McKellar, she continues to act periodically, but she has also become a renowned mathematician and advocate for math education, particularly for girls.  She has published a number of books about math that can be found on her website mckellarmath.com.  She also recently wrote a story that appeared on nbc.com about math education that I think you will find interesting and have included below: 

I Want Girls to Learn Math and Science — and Their Own Self-Worth — Despite Stereotypes

https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/i-want-girls-learn-math-science-their-own-self-worth-ncna847351

I Hated The Election of 2016

When I started writing this blog I purposely decided to avoid talking politics.  There is enough of that conversation that invades our daily lives.  Yes, my political leanings come through in many of the articles I have written, but I have worked hard to temper them as much as possible and still make the point I wanted to make without offending and with the purpose of getting people to think and reflect.  Today’s article is going to take politics head on, and I am not going to temper my opinions and beliefs.  I think you can see that based on the fact that I have used a very strong word in the title, yet I hope that you will read what I have to say with an open mind.  

I bring this all up because of where we are at in our country over a year-and-a-half after the new President took office.  What took place in that election has only been magnified since, and I think it scary how horrible people are treating one another in our country.  The lack of civility in the election, both the primary and general ones, was disgusting.  At the time I often asked myself and others, “Is this who we have become?”  In the months since, it would appear that is so.

One of the definitions for civil is “courteous.”  Another is “public.”  Until 2016, political campaigns were for the most part civil.  Oh there were instances of some dirty tricks here and there, but in terms of the manner in which candidates addressed each other, it was almost always courteous and largely respectful.  I remember when Vice Presidential candidate Lloyd Benson put Dan Quayle in his place with a sharply worded comment, but stated in a respectful manner.  We expected our leaders to be courteous in their public comments, and when one deviated from that, they were generally heavily criticized by colleagues, the public, and the media.  In this country there has been a strong sense of decorum, perhaps not quite to the extent of England, but people did not mind if you had a difference of opinion as long as you debate in a respectful manner.  However, that has changed and I find it reprehensible.  

For this lack of civility I point my finger right at the POTUS.  During the campaign prior to the Republican primary he made outlandish statements, calling a female opponent ugly and make untrue disparaging remarks about one’s father being involved in a conspiracy to assassinate John Kennedy.  He used belittling nicknames for opponents, such as Little Marco, Low-energy Jeb,  and Lyin’ Ted.  Incredibly, once he won the GOP nomination he took it up a number of notches, referring to Crooked Hillary and “Pocahontas" Elizabeth Warren in unbecoming terms.  Replaying video of him talking about grabbing females by their genitals and mocking individuals with handicaps are yet the tip of the iceberg of vulgar and volatile comments he made.  And, he has continued with his tweets and pronouncements.  He has called a football player that was expressing his 1st Amendment rights a “son of a bitch” and mocked individuals who have different opinions.  

Of great concern to me is that this has given license to others to do the same.  Sure, all of us have made denigrating or derogatory comments about people, generally in private or in the company of friends.  Some of the things I have heard close friends say about Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are certainly not appropriate to say in public, and I do not recall political leaders saying those things in a public forum.  But now we have public personalities doing that.  LeBron James has called the President a Bum.  Other people have tweeted that he is an “asshole.”  There is no filter, and that has trickled down in our day to day life.  People believe they can say whatever they want without repercussions, or if there are, then it’s almost like they come out swinging!

The 1st Amendment is perhaps the most understood part of our Constitution.  Our freedom of speech is not an all out say-whatever-is-on-your-mind-whenever-you-want-to-say-it guarantee!  I have made this statement a number of times over my career: With freedom comes responsibility!  I try to impress that on students when we have conversations about the newfound freedom many of them have in high school.  Teenagers love to argue!  Every parent knows that, and the smartest among us know that the adult never wins that argument!  That said, when it comes to issues where people are speaking their mind or saying what needs to be said, there is a responsibility.  There are laws that govern speech, and actions like libel and slander prevent people from going off and saying whatever they want regardless of what harm it might cause.  But without reaching those levels of responsibility, there is something called civility and respect.  When our nation’s leaders fire obscene and vile comments at others, it is natural that Joe Public is going to do the same.  

I don’t know if there is a direct correlation between this “new” practice of spewing hateful or disgusting things and high school students becoming more emboldened with what they say.  Teenagers have always pushed the boundaries.  That said, when they hear or read what is being said by adults who are public figures with seemingly little consequence, I cannot help but believe it leads them to do the same.  What we have found is that when confronted, more often than not the teenager sees nothing wrong with what they said.  A classic example was when I confronted a girl about making a derogatory comment about another girl that begins with the letter b.  Her response was “Well, she is and I’m not sorry I said it!  If you knew her, that’s what you would call her too!”  Unfortunately it has become acceptable  in common public conversation to refer to people in such a derogatory manner.  Thank you Mr. POTUS!

Social Media Addiction: What You Need to Know

One of my primary interests and concerns right now is social media and the sometimes devastating effects it is having on young people.  I have spoken and written about it, and will continue to do so when given opportunity.  When parents on average spend less than an hour a day with their adolescent kids, while the kids are spending an average of over two-hours a day on their smart phones, I believe there is a major disconnect.  Here’s an article from the website smartsocial.com that you may find interesting.

Social Media Addiction: How to Avoid Long Term Effects

Grit: A Few Thoughts From Angela Duckworth — Part I

When I first discovered Angela Duckworth a number of years ago, I sought out as much as I could find to read about her theories on the concept of “grit.”  The first thing I got my hands on was information from some of her research into what made people successful.  She referred to that “what” as grit.  I grabbed on to any paper, article or interview I could find written by or about Duckworth and grit.  From what I have read and learned from her I believe there is far more than can be covered in one article on this blog.  Therefore, this is the first of three articles in which I attempt to share what I believe is very important information regarding what makes human beings successful.

First off, before I dig into Duckworth’s research, I want to try and explain why I am so intrigued by her work.  As a coach and former athlete I have always been very interested in what motivates people.  The mental aspect of sport has always been more interesting to me than the physical, so it is natural that I would be drawn to her work.  But there is another reason: the actual word — grit.  That word has been used in my family for years, primarily by my maternal grandfather and my mom.  I could not begin to count how many times they referred to a person as having grit.  Most often they were referring to someone that was tough, one that stuck to it and got the job done no matter what.  I remember times when my mom would tell me that I needed to have some grit at various times when I was competing in one sport or another!  At the time my understanding was that people with grit stuck to it and got the job done, no matter what.  And for the most part, that is what Duckworth has determined separates the truly successful people from others.

The title of Duckworth’s incredible book actually defines grit, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.  That definition has been now modified as perseverance and passion for long-term goals.  One only has to read a few pages of her book to get a clear picture of what grit is and why she became so passionate in her work to better understand why some people exceed at high levels and others do not.  It all started as she was a psychology graduate student looking at why some of the cadets at West Point washed out early on, and others persevered and succeeded.  What she determined is insightful.

I will try to be brief so that this article actually comes to an end(!) and the point is made, but you need to know a few things about West Point.  The United States Military Academy in New York is where our nation’s leaders are developed.  This list of West Point graduates is extensive in terms of leaders of our nation, business and industry, and other aspects of American life.  Only the very best and brightest young men and women are selected to attend in one of the most rigid application and screening processes that exists in colleges of higher education.  It is generally a two-year process, and once a new class of cadets is selected, one has a group of extremely talented, smart, and physically gifted individuals.  There is no question that on paper, after going through all of the assessments, interviews, surveys, and tests, each new plebe is an outstanding person that should easily succeed.  Folks, these kids are the best that America has to offer!

But, they do not all make it.  In fact, 20% wash out in the first two months of school at West Point.  The Army was concerned about those that did not finish and wanted to be able to identify why some made it and others did not.  For years the Army was using a measure called the Whole Candidate Score to try and predict which high school students had the potential to succeed.  It included a weighted average of SAT and ACT exam scores, high school rank adjusted for the number of students in the applicant’s graduating class, expert appraisals of leadership potential, and performance on objective measures of physical fitness.  Yet even with this scoring system they could not accurately predict who would stick it out and go on to be commissioned officers and who would go home before the end of their freshman year.  The Army was determined to figure out how to improve their tool so as to eliminate the “wash outs.”

In the plebe’s first summer, they encounter their first challenge, commonly called the Beast.  This is a seven-week intensive training that starts at 5:00 in the morning and takes the young men and women through a structured and grueling 17-hour day described in the West Point handbook as “the most physically and emotionally demanding part of your four years at West Point . . . designed to help you make the transition from new cadet to soldier.  It is because of the Beast that 1 in 5 new cadets quits.  And, the Army was stymied as to why.  So Duckworth and Mike Matthews, a military psychologist dug in to find out what the reason was that some made it and other’s didn’t, and was there a way to predict who those individuals would be.  

There is a lot more to this story, and I strongly encourage you to read Grit.  However, to wrap this up, through their work and analysis, they found that those who dropped out rarely did so because of their ability or their talent.  There was no trend that they could find in terms of where individuals stood on the Whole Candidate Score.  Some of the highest rated new cadets dropped out, while some of the lowest ones made it.  What Matthews surmised as they looked closer at the data is that those who made it had a “never give up” attitude.  They were driven to make it through every obstacle and had a passion to work hard and succeed.

Duckworth took this experience and also worked with people in a variety of fields, looking to explain why certain people made it to the top and others did not, and she found similar attributes.  The impression that many people held is that those at the top of the field were talented people who had some luck.  But she looked at something else because there are highly talented people that do not make it.  When she really started sorting through things she determined those who made it to the top and were highly successful had a ferocious determination to succeed, were resilient and hardworking, and they knew exactly what they wanted.  They had determination and direction.  They had grit.