Are We Over the Top With Rewards?

Being an old wrestler and coach, and a veteran of those long Saturday tournaments for about 40 years, I have been troubled by a number of things that have happened at the youth level to a sport that I love.  Nothing is more troubling than the “buy-a-medal” policy they have in place at so many of these local tournaments held throughout the winter.  Most small town tournaments run a four man round robin tournament and award four medals, where basically, you pay your entry fee and your youngster walks away with a medal.  Even if they do not win a wrestling match all day, they get a medal.  Youth softball and soccer teams regularly give a medal, and some even a trophy, to all kids who play on a team.  So how come we reward participation (some would say mediocrity or losing) rather than awarding success?  Social commentators and researchers will say it is because of a huge shift in our society where we have become more sensitive to feelings and self-esteem.  But is that a good thing?  Have we cheapened hard work and commitment to excellence?  Are we settling for less than the best?  At their most impressionable age, are we teaching children the right values?

Further evidence is the fact that at some schools over 50% of the junior and senior class are in National Honor Society.  How can that be?  Are the standards too low?  Is grade inflation that far out of whack?  How is it an honor to be in a group that 50% of the students qualify for?  Look at those pageants for little girls.  Nearly all of them walk away with a crown and a trophy?  Heck, county and state fairs quit giving white ribbons at 4-H and FFA shows 20 years ago.  Now people get bent out of shape when they get a red ribbon!  What is the message here?

In an article that I read recently it was stated that Americans believe that most of us are average.  In essence they buy in to the bell curve where the majority of folks are in the middle with smaller percentages of folks on the high and low end.  The funny thing is that when asked where they see themselves, most identify themselves as being above average.  This is an over-generalization of the research, but is allows me to pose the question, if each of us believer we are above average, who are the folks below average?  And, because we believe we are above average, we are entitled to those things that come to those who are above average.  Thus, we believe that we are entitled to the rewards or awards, and to appease this attitude, want, or need, we have added more awards.  Rather than wiping away tears at that wrestling meet, parents see a little smile on the face of their little wrestler, even if he did lose all of the matches he wrestled.  The most elite athletes in the world compete for three medals, and yet at high school meets we award five, six, even eight at some state meets.  Is this excellence?

Here’s the problem.  We have developed a generation of young people with a false sense of their abilities and success.  And, when kids have to stand on their own, or when the competition gets a little tougher, many lack the work ethic, skill, and internal fortitude to be successful.  And, as they get older and the medals and trophies quit coming, they come up with reasons not to continue.  Maybe they recognize that they aren’t as good as they thought they were, but they never put it that way.  Rather, the term “burnout” is used.  Or, the coach has it in for them, or it just isn’t fun anymore.  However, the bottom line is that when they were little they were showered with rewards for just showing up.  In life, you have to do more than show up – you have to produce.  It wouldn’t be a bad idea to be honest with people and take a few steps back.  Though it may be hard, we need to be able to tell our kids that their effort isn’t good enough and that they need to put forth more effort.  It may be possible that the message we send is that they aren’t there yet and that they need to be patient and persistent.  Maybe that white ribbon is deserved and should send a message that they need to work a little harder or understand that perseverance is a positive character trait.  Life lessons when kids are young often have strong benefits when they are older.