Have Fun!

“Much more than the gift of happiness, caring adults owe each new generation some perspective. I believe we must be willing to sacrifice their temporary happiness for long-term happiness — including preparing them to be disciplined adults themselves. Instead of pleasure, let’s prepare them for fulfillment.”  Tim Elmore

When I was a teenager, and even before that, whenever I went some place with friends or over to a buddy’s house, my mother’s parting words to me were “be good.”  And I would generally respond with a resigned, “Yes, moommm.”  It wasn’t until I attended the SAI conference in August 2014 that I remembered this as I heard one of the keynote speakers share that while my generation, and previous generation were left with that warning to be good by their parents, that message has changed today.  Rather than sending them off with that message, parents today – me included! – offer them this parting statement: “Have fun!”

So what’s the big deal?  In my opinion, it is simple: as parents we have a moral obligation to help our children become responsible, contributing adults in our community or society.  “Be good” sends the message that when you are out and about it is your obligation to make good choices.  It means that when you are at another person’s home you respect the rules of the household, and you say “please” and “thank you.”  If you take a date to a movie, you don’t take along booze for the trip, hold the door for her if you are a him, and treat everyone you encounter in a respectful manner.  It means that if you come home and I find out that you have done something wrong, you will have consequences because you are not going to behave that way and you are not going to embarrass this family.

Why do we send our kids off with “have fun?”  Are their daily lives so filled with work, toil, and discomfort that we view this time as respite; a time to let go and release pent up energy?  I don’t think so as there is no way anyone can convince me that young people today work as hard as previous generations.  No, I believe it is quite the opposite.  In my opinion we parents are of Nike’s “Just Do It” generation, with many of us pursuing good times and pleasure and modeling that for our children.  Fun is easy to come by if you have a few bucks, and when we look at the discretionary spending by many people, paying for fun far exceeds savings and investment.  “Live for the day” is the motto of younger people, and many middle aged folks, without care for what may happen tomorrow.  But it cannot be all fun and games.  Author of The Trust Edge and national speaker David Horsager takes the position we have people chasing fun and getting less of it.  In a sense, it is kind of a like a drug.  After the first hit, the next one is less satisfying so you keep pursuing that initial high that you get because it is never quite as pleasurable as the first time.  Once the person recognizes it, they move on to something more potent.  That is the same as the fun seekers.

So what is the big deal?  Well, you have to take a step back and refocus on life.  Not everything in life is fun.  Calculating density and researching support for a thesis are not fun.  Studying for a test on metabolism or photosynthesis is not fun.  Rehearsing a solo or practicing on the saxophone is not fun.  Listening to a teacher provide instruction or direction is not fun.  The reality is that it is impossible to have fun 24/7 and no one is ever going to be able to achieve that.  Yet some will try and eventually fail, and others will become quite frustrated because they can’t.  Yet many of us as parents are more concerned about our kids having fun than learning that things must be done.  Every day we must start and complete a task.  We face obstacles that will take persistence and hard work.  We will fail and we have to figure out how to pick ourselves up and figure out a new direction.  The teenage brain is not fully developed and the messages we send, and the experiences they have now will mold who they are in the future.  If we continue to reinforce “fun-seeking” over being a good, responsible person, then where are they going to be?  I am not a fun hater, but there is a guiding principal that has been proven true time and time again: moderation in all things is a pretty good balance in life.  When we work hard, persevere, solve problems, and act responsible, then there are opportunities for us to have some fun. 

Why Are We So In Love With Ourselves?

The rampant taking and posting of “selfies” and the extensive sharing of personal information on Facebook are two of the best examples of what has become a national obsession with ourselves.  We have become a nation of people in love with ourselves, one in which narcissism is on the rise among our young people, with one study by Twenge, Campbell, and Gentile finding that there has been a 30% slant toward narcissistic attitudes among students in the United States and 1 in 4 respondents on a national survey identifying themselves as narcissistic.  What is narcissism?  The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as “excessive self-love or vanity; self-admiration, self-centeredness.”

Some folks say this this is the result of the self-esteem culture that has been so pervasive in the past few decades, and that self-confidence, believing in yourself, and loving oneself leads to success and improved lives.  But the reality, according to numerous research studies is that the effect it has is actually quite small.  All of the self-help books and focus on bettering yourself may in fact have had more negative consequences than positive ones.

Another factor is that for a couple of generations, children have been raised to believe that they are someone special, which in the end often distorts the reality that they end up living and a false sense of who they are.  According to professionals, self-love is incomplete and immature as a solo attribute, and self-love without empathy is lopsided and leads to both arrogance and misery.  The “Hey!  Look at me!” mentality of selfies and Facebook posts are cries for attention that are surface level pleas for attention.  Once they figure out that people do not really care about that, people may go to greater extremes to get that attention, or go in another direction and struggle with a lack of personal fulfillment.

In many ways this focus on ourselves has manifested itself in the actions of people where one has to question whether or not we truly care about other people in our country.  One can look at different groups who have had political influence and see their motives as examples of self-interest at the expense of the greater good.  Policies favoring big business and individuals over social welfare seem more common.   Look at Nebraska where two recently elected Senators voted for the Keystone pipeline despite overwhelming opposition by the citizens of the state.  Both Senators accepted huge donations from the Koch brothers to advance their business concerns.  For generations many people have given of themselves for the greater good of a community, yet today in many places there is not sense of community.  People live in a town but do not engage in any meaningful way, choosing to do their own thing.

This obviously does not apply to all, and we do see quite a few kids that are not “caught up in themselves” or as I like to say, “staring in their own soap opera!”  The reality is that while we celebrate successful people, more often than not, that success is dependent on other people.  Perhaps rather than focusing on the selfie, we need to be collecting those pictures of others who help us be the people we need to be.  Maybe we shouldn’t be so caught up on wanting people to know what we do every day, and rather get to know others better so we can work together to better the lives of all.

We’re 37th!

One would have to be a hermit to be oblivious to the back and forth that has taken place between public education advocates and those who have a strong conservative perspective on the use of tax dollars and government finance.  I have been a professional educator for nearly 30 years and this disagreement has been going on at least that long, along with the debates about what should be taught in school, who has the authority to determine what is taught in each building, and why Iowa students no longer rank first in the nation on a couple of different standardized assessments.  This last point is one that concerns a lot of people.  Perhaps it is because the fact that the State of Iowa does not fund schools anywhere close to other states in our country.

In January 2014, Iowa Legislative Services Agency reported that in twelve months Iowa had fallen from 31^st to 37th in per pupil spending compared to other states in the country and the national average.  A few years back, in the 2011-2012 school year, Iowa spent $1,514 less per student than the national average.  When that is extrapolated out for the North Fayette and Valley school districts that would be roughly $1.6 million!  What could our district do to support and educate students with that kind of additional money!  However, despite the fact that Iowa remains in the 37^th position, Iowa has fallen further away from per pupil spending, down $1,657 per pupil last year for roughly a total of $1.8 million for the students in our district!  These are facts, and the reality is that money does not educate students; people do.  But, for the past ten years or so, funding for Iowa schools has steadily declined, and at the same time student performance on those national tests has dropped as well.  I don’t think that there is necessarily a direct correlation, though I do think there is some relationship.  What concerns me more is the message that is being spun to tax payers.

The 2014 Legislative session did not do much to help Iowa schools with their finances, though they did fund to a point that schools were not hurt.  What troubles me is that the governor and supporters in the legislature claim that they have spent more on Iowa schools than even before, which is ironic considering that our per pupil spending is not increasing much at all, and certainly not at the same rate as in other states.  The Branstad administration has governed with an iron fist when it comes to educational spending, and while they have implemented what look to be some positive reforms, the reality is that rather than putting new money toward funding them, they are determined to take money from strong existing programs to pay for them.  And, they are sending information out to local districts that they have to raise more funds locally.  I find that ironic when the same administration has campaigned in 2014 on the notion that they have restored money to the people of our state.  It is interesting that they aren’t spending it on our children, and at the same time claim that they are.  The proof is in the numbers.

What’s Going On With Boys?

There’s an issue that has gotten more and more attention in recent years that I have developed a keen interest in, but have not taken as much opportunity as I would like to dig in deeper.  As the title of this article implies, I have a lot of questions, as do many others in a variety of different fields, of what is happening with boys in this country.  There are a number of things that I see in our school that are not unusual throughout the nation, and in some places, the problems are far more pronounced.  However, I truly am concerned about what I am seeing.  So, what is that?

First off, in a CBS Sunday Morning episode not too long ago, a report was presented that provided evidence of a crisis in education.  There is a large and increasing achievement gap between boys and girls.  That is most evident by college enrollment where there are currently more girls enrolled in and graduating from college than boys.  On some campuses, it isn’t even close!  Fewer boys are going to college now than during any other era in the last fifty years.  In the 1970’s 57.7% of boys in our country enrolled in college.  Our current rate is 43.5%.  That is a huge drop, and one in an era where there is much more competition on an international level for jobs!  And, we are in greater need for highly skilled workers than any time since the Sputnik era! 

To bring it closer to the high school, nationwide, 70% of valedictorians are girls!  When taking a look at the performance of students at NFV, and prior to that North Fayette, we see some very similar data.  While we do not recognize valedictorians, we do record student performance in a number of ways.  Digging deeper than just the top student in the class, here is a look at the top ten students in the class for the past six years:

    ·      Class of 2014             3 Boys             7 Girls

    ·      Class of 2013             2 Boys             8 Girls

    ·      Class of 2012             4 Boys             6 Girls

    ·      Class of 2011             3 Boys             7 Girls

    ·      Class of 2010             5 Boys             5 Girls

    ·      Class of 2009             6 Boys             4 Girls

Looking at the current senior class, there are four boys in the top ten, and the possibility that a couple of more could move in based on their current GPAs.  But even then, boys at even our school are not performing at the same level academically as girls.  The report referenced in the CBS program, As Gender Roles Change, Are Men Out of Step,” cites what the authors call an “anti-intellectualism” movement among boys who believe that it isn’t “cool” to be smart.  We certainly see this at NFVHS where the priority for a large majority of boys is on sports or other interests rather than pushing themselves in the classroom.  When you think about it, look at all of the attention that is paid to activity programs and the importance it has with families.  Our data shows that parents are far more likely to take their child out of school for appointments than to have them miss a practice or rehearsal.  What does that say about priorities?  This is consistent between males and females, but it is a reflection of what is important to boys, and certainly, giving up academic time is preferable to practice time, or their own time, when conflicts occur.

Nationwide, as well as at NFVHS, boys drop out at a significantly higher rate than girls.  The dropout rate for boys is going up nationally, though we are seeing a decline in our own district.  Without marketable skills in a changing economy, these young men are going to have few choices other than entry-level jobs, which will make it very difficult for them to provide for a family and become members of a functioning middle class.  Psychologists express great concern about how men in the future are going to cope with females who have more skills, more positions of influence, and better income earning potential.  Some go so far to say that marginalized males will become more violent toward women and live more dysfunctional lives.  We have seen reported incidents of physical abuse – domestic abuse – directed toward girls who attend our school by their boyfriends.  And certainly, domestic violence is already a problem in our nation that is receiving a lot of media attention.  A question to ask is what successful woman will be attracted to a man with little or no potential, and if not, what will happen to those men? 

Another trait that is valued in high schools is leadership.  In the time I have been at NFVHS there has been a noticeable vacuum of student leadership, and females generally dominate what does exist.  Looking at key leadership positions in the school, one will see girls occupying most of those positions.  While FFA had a male President last year, the majority of officers were female.  That has been the case at NF and NFV for quite a few years, and it is one of our strongest organizations.  Student council is strongly dominated by girls.  And last year, our executive councils at each grade were made up primarily of females.  Of the sixteen executives at the junior and senior levels, there was one senior boy and one junior boy.   Of the twelve positions at the sophomore and freshman level, there were four 10^th graders and two 9^th graders.  In our most prestigious club, which places a high priority on leadership, the National Honor Society, of the 37 members at the conclusion of the 2013-14 school year, 24 or 65% were girls.

Teenage boys have a higher prevalence of obesity and diagnosis of ADHD than their female counterparts.  Both of these have major implications for schools in terms of programming and resources. 

Is it possible, that with all of the attention that has been paid in the last twenty or thirty years on improving education for girls that we have neglected boys?  Should we have classrooms, particularly at the elementary and middle school levels, where boys and girls are separated because of their different learning needs and the social pressures that increase as they get older?  Is this even an issue when in spite of all of the advances made by women, they are still only paid 82-cents to every dollar a man earns, and to this point, politics at the highest levels are dominated by males?  Maybe the question is how much longer can men maintain this control?

What this all says to me is that we still have a very strong commitment to the masculine, dominant male role model.  But it would also appear that each year there are significant gains being made by females.  They have taken advantage of affirmative action programs and do not see barriers that once existed.  In our high school, as well as most others in this country, girls are taking advantage of opportunity and pushing themselves much harder than boys.  Perhaps things will turn around as so much in life seems to be cyclical, but maybe we are approaching one of those watermark moments in our society where the shift becomes much more pronounced.  The election of the nation’s first female President in 2016 may be what most dramatically signifies that change has come.