Address the Other Side of The Sexting Issue

It has been a little while since the last sexting issue at our school, but there is no question that up to this point, we have primarily addressed one side of it: telling girls not to send nude photos of themselves.  We have basically interrogated boys about where they have gotten pictures, and implemented consequences if warranted, but rarely have we talked to boys about the issue.  On the contrary, I’ve given sometimes very emotional “lectures” to girls about not letting the boy convince you to send pics.  All of those conversations have included me talking to them about developing a strong self-identify and having control over their life.  The reality, however, is that in many high schools, girls are under tremendous pressure to share explicit pictures of themselves, and we adults do not always have a full understanding of it.

Researchers from Northwestern University found through a study on cyberbullying and sexting that about 66% of girls age 12 to 18 had been asked for explicit pictures of themselves.  In that survey, a high percentage of girls said that they faced persistent requests, anger, and threats from boys to send them pictures.  It is also quite common for some boys to play on emotions common in dating relationships, emphasizing trust and commitment as reasons to share pictures.  “If you love me you’ll share a picture with me” type pressure is often used.

What is particularly disturbing, according to psychologist Lisa Damour, are the repercussions some girls face if they do not share photos.  In some instances girls face harassment and threats if they don’t sent pictures.  They are sometimes cut off from relationships.  At a period in their life when relationships mean everything, being isolated takes a tremendous toll.  We also know that there are significant emotional and psychological concerns, with young girls experiencing depression, and some opting to take their life once the pictures become public.  

While attention given to sexting is not as intense as it was a couple of years ago, it is still going on.  At NFVHS we have dealt with a handful of incidents that have been brought to our attention over the past four or five years.  In each case, we involve law enforcement.  We investigate the matter as it applies to the impact at school, and then we let law enforcement handle it in the manner they see fit.

After the first couple of times we dealt with a sexting issue, and basically telling girls “don’t send the boys pictures,” I started wondering about this constant “blaming the girl” for what happened.  In the bigger picture, we tend to blame the girl for a lot of negative things that happen in teenager relationships, perhaps because many of us simply accept the “boys will be boys” philosophy or because we expect more from girls than we do boys when it comes to traditional views on sexuality.  That said, I have asked myself why we aren’t sending the message to the other side of the equation?

Many of you may remember the news from the University of Notre Dame that made the rounds a little over a year ago.  A mother of two boys who attended the catholic university in South Bend, IN wrote an open letter to girls at college to quite wearing leggings on campus because her boys basically couldn’t keep their eyes off of them and she was worried about how they (the boys) could cope with this.  When I heard that I thought “are you kidding me!”  It’s kind of like those who blame girls through dress code policies for boys having “impure” thoughts, not being able to control their imaginations or urges because of what a girl was wearing.  Come on!  Give me a break!  Like this mom with boys at Notre Dame,  at what point do we hold boys accountable!

That’s the other side of the equation.  Rather than pointing the finger at girls and blame them for sending “nudes,” we need to put our focus on boys and tell them to quit asking for them!  Heck, I have heard unsubstantiated stories of boys who have hundreds of photos of girls, each one of them could be used to bully, blackmail, or embarrass a young person.  The irony, is that in the State of Iowa, this is illegal.  Now, most county attorneys and local law enforcement do not want to ruin the life of a teenager in possession of photos like this, but why are we not putting the focus on the boy who is asking for the pictures rather than the girl that is being harassed into giving them up?  It seems to me that is the approach we need to take.  We need to at least balance the how we approach issues like this, holding boys accountable at least to the extent we do the girls.  We need to hold our boys to a higher level, and not just accept that boys will be boys.

Thoughts About the Gymnasium Uberlingen Exchange — Part V

For this last article about the trip to Germany, I am shifting back to an educational topic, and am posing the question as to whether American schools are becoming more like German schools, or is it the opposite.  Are German schools moving toward what we have for public schools in our country?  Actually, I think a better question is “should” either one of them make a shift.  The reality, at least from my experience, is that there are shifts in both countries, and whether those are right or wrong will not be resolved for some time.

In the United States, most  of the high schools (at least the public ones) are considered to be comprehensiveschools.  In essence, the schools provide educational programs for all students, whether they plan to go on to college or chose a path that is more technical in nature.  All students are educated under the same roof, regardless of their ability, background, socioeconomic status, proficiency, or vocation.  Public schools in the United States are set up to educate all of the youth in the community.  

In Germany, and many other countries in Europe, they have a tiered system or a dual system of education for high school age students.  At the elementary level, children go to the same schools, but then around the age of 10 or 11, they take a series of exams that will determine what school they go on to the next five to ten years of their life.  For those who perform at a high level, they will be allowed to attend a professional Gymnasium or a general-education Gymnasium, depending on their career aspirations.  In essence, they are the top students academically who are planning to attend a college or university.  Students who do not score as well, are able to go to a Hauptschule or Gesamtschule, which teach many of the same subjects as at a Gymnasium, but at a slower pace.  And, the students who attend these schools at some point will most likely move on to a full-time vocational school, enter into an apprenticeship, or start work in the public service at 15 to 17 years of age.

Most of us, particularly due to the presence of the exchange in our school community, have at least a bit of knowledge about this system.  For example, we know that the students who come from Uberlingen Gymnasium are those who are very bright, scored well on their exams, and intend to pursue a professional career by first attending college.  And, after getting to know a number of these students over the years, yes, they are very intelligent young people that seem to have a solid grasp of what they want to do with their life.  We also know that if a young person has a desire to work with their hands or pursue a job that involves more technical skills, they are going to attend a different school.  Perhaps many of us were not aware that they actually finish formal school at a younger age than our students, and most of them complete some kind of an apprenticeship.  What we do know is that by common American definition, students in Germany (and many other European countries) are “tracked" and attend secondary schools that have a much more specific focus.

Tracking has been somewhat of a four-letter word in American education because it implies that there is inequity.  The common belief is that every child should have access to the same educational opportunities.  There are multiple reasons for this, among them the American value of equality and that just because a student learns a little different from others they should not be denied a chance to pursue their dreams.  Kids are told they can be whatever they want to be, and people do not want to close doors to their future.

Exam scores are not used by public schools in our country to determine where students go to school.  It is only at the college level where exam scores are used to sort students out.  However, even in Iowa, we are starting to see a bit of a shift away from the traditional comprehensive model.  In recent years there has been a strong effort by the Department of Education, political leaders, as well as business and industry to move students toward an education that prepares them for highly skilled trades.  Do not mix that up with what what at one time was called vocational programs.  Today, it involves much more technical skills, though there is a huge need for people to be electricians, plumbers, and the like.  There is pressure being placed on school districts to “regionalize” their efforts and work closely with area employers to create programs to meet the future demand.  There are efforts to start with students in middle school to more clearly identify what career they are interested in, so that their high school educational program can be tailored to that path.  In some areas, new “high tech” high schools with a focus on career preparation are being created.

In Germany, the change that is moving fairly quick is parents being able to choose the school their child attends, with those rigid exam scores being a guide, rather than a way definitive way to assign students to particular schools.  This is basically a federal requirement, and like many top down decisions, the cart has been put in front of the horse.  As I spoke to teachers at Uberlingen Gymnasium, a common concern was that they now were getting students who were in no way able to perform at the high standards in place, some with disabilities.  More important, those teachers were never trained to provide supports like tiered interventions or academic supports.  A student with a disability did not attend these schools, and some of the teachers feel totally unequipped to teach them.  For decades, teachers in American public schools have been given a full toolbox of strategies to work with students of all ability levels because since the inception of public education in our country, our doors have been open to all.

For education geeks, debates over the purpose and structures of school could go deep into the night.  There are certainly pros and cons to both systems, and from my perspective, it will be interesting what public schools in the United States look like in twenty years.  My personal opinion is that they will look similar to what we have today unless there is some major economic shakeup in our country that forces change.  Our schools have changed quite a bit over the years, but the fundamental structure and purpose of school has not.  I believe a high percentage of high schools will still be comprehensive, providing programs for all.  In metropolitan areas we will see some high tech schools, but unless there is a huge infusion of money in rural areas and consolidation of small districts, twenty years from now I would predict things will be quite similar to what they are now.