Who Is In Charge?

I found this article in a recent email and it struck me that maybe it would be a good one at the start of the school year.  In essence it poses the question of who is calling the shots at home: you or your child?  Tim Elmore puts some perspective to this question and proposes how we can do a better job as parents.  There's some good advice here!

Are You in Charge of Your Kids Or Are They in Charge of You?

What Does It Look Like For Jobs In The Future?

When you get down to it, the purpose of high school, and then college, is to prepare a person for a job or a career.  That is the fundamental purpose of school!  Over the past six years we have stressed to parents and students that they need to take a very honest look at career possibilities with an open mind, and yet in some respects this seems to fall on deaf ears as we have seen little difference with our students and their pursuits once they graduate from high school.  There have been a few exceptions, but it seems that students and parents are ignoring a very important sector of our labor force that is screaming to us that they need workers.  That is the skilled labor sector, a part of our economy in Iowa with a great deal of opportunity.  In fact, we have local and regional employers that cannot find enough skilled workers, and because of that, they are paying wages and providing benefits that equal if not exceed some of the white-collar occupations commonly filled by four-year college graduates.  These are good jobs and yet few students from our school are looking in that direction!

It would appear that "skilled labor" has a negative connotation, and perhaps there is a belief that this kind of work is beneath kids that are finishing high school.  The truth is that these jobs are not beneath anyone, and the reality is that there is a need for people to fill these jobs.  And more important, these jobs are indicative of what the future job market is going to be.  The reason for that is because each year there are fewer and fewer jobs that require routine cognitive work (a lot of which requires a four-year diploma) or manual labor.  Unless they are location-dependent, most of these jobs are being outsourced to foreign countries with cheaper labor, or replaced by computers and other machines.  Yet when you look at the post-graduation plans of our students we see an overwhelming number of students opting to attend a four year college and a steady number of graduates entering the workforce out of high school.  Yes, we have a good percentage of students who attend a community college, but when asking them their intention, more often than not it is to get an A.A. degree and then transfer to a four-year institution.  

Both of my kids have opted to go the four-year route, but not without me putting pro’s and con’s, as well as data in front of them.  I am worried about their employability, and would have no concern if they were to change their mind and pursue a different direction, though one has already burnt through a lot of money for three years toward a business degree and a Spanish minor!  Despite their choices I cannot help but believe that over the course of their life there will be some significant re-training or even a change in careers.  I have faith that they have the fundamental skills to make those shifts, and believe they will land on their feet.  But, it would have been easier in some respects had they followed the path for the highly skilled jobs that are in such high demand.

Our Project Lead The Way courses are designed to give a student a start on the kind of skills that highly skilled workers will need.  We have partnered with a number of local businesses and industry, and they have offered many opportunities for our students to take a closer look at these kinds of occupations.  Problem solvers and people that can work with technology are in demand.  Another field wide open is health care.  We have the good fortune to have a hospital, clinic, dentists and optometrists in our community as well as a number of other institutions the need health care professionals. There is a constant need for employees, and it is critical for the future of our community that they can find quality workers.

The video below was shown a few years back at a workshop I attended.  It would be worth your time to take the time to watch it.  I would also advise you to take some time and sit down with your son or daughter and really take a look at resources that are available to see what future prospects look like.  

Humans Need Not Apply

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pq-S557XQU

How You Can Build Confidence In Your Teen

Regular readers know how much I love the work of Tim Elmore and his Growing Leaders blog is a weekly must read for me.  Confidence is an issue that I have worked to develop in young people long before I became a teacher.  In reality I did it as a peer as that was my leadership style growing up and playing a number of team sports.  It also took place in the neighborhood playing in the vacant lot or someone’s backyard.  I was very confident in my abilities and I worked hard to instill that in my friends and teammates too.  Over the years I cannot count how much work I have done with this, and for the most part it has been successful, though in reflection, my efforts have failed more than I would have liked.  Different personalities require different approaches and sometimes I took the wrong one.  Most recently though I have worked with a few young ladies teaching them to become better softball pitchers, and in my approach I have stressed the importance of the mental approach to pitching as well as the mechanics.  Foremost in these lessons has been confidence. 

In the article below Elmore does an outstanding job summarizing key points in helping young people develop confidence.  I have made a copy of this to refer to as I continue in my work.  One bit of advice that I will give you is to read every word and don’t go halfway with any of them.  Too often we only take bits and pieces and then wonder why something doesn’t work.  These are good things to do with your child and I strongly encourage you to use them!

Ten Ideas to Build Confidence in Teens

Still A Fan, But I've Changed

When I was a kid growing up I don’t think I was any different than any other sports obsessed American boy.  The game I played changed with the season and my aspiration in life in terms of what professional sport I was going to play followed the same path.  Throughout the summer I dreamed of hitting home runs for the Oakland A’s or playing third based for the Phillies after my hero Mike Schmidt retired.  Once the leaves changed I imagined myself pounding through the line of scrimmage just like Larry Czonka did with the Dolphins.  When I caught the wrestling bug the winter months were spent honing my skills on the mat with Olympic rings serving as my goal.  Sprinkled in there was the periodic plan to ride broncs and bulls like Larry Mahan.  As I moved on into high school and would rank my favorites, baseball and wrestling were at the top followed by football from both a participation and spectator perspective.  In addition, I loved to watch about any sport because I am fascinated by competition and human effort, along with strategy and the whole culture of sport.  Nothing beat watching a good college football rivalry game, ABC’s Wide World of Sports, or my favorite, the Olympics every four years.  

As I’ve aged things have changed a lot and I suppose that is due to all the experiences that I have gone through, including no longer being able to participate in sport at a level where it is enjoyable, having kids that compete (though in very different ways), watching significant changes in sports, and perhaps just becoming more thoughtful and reflective.  At this point in my life I am obviously a spectator, and to a very limited extent, a coach.  If I were to rank my Top 5 favorite sports, this is how it would line up: 1) softball, 2) soccer, 3) college baseball, 4) college football, and 5) rugby.  I guess that I would have to put wrestling in there as a tie for 5th as I have switched it with rugby a couple of times over the course of writing this!  The list has certainly changed!

Softball is my passion.  I absolutely love the game, and it is the only one that I am still active in, working with young players and still doing a little coaching.  From an athletic standpoint nothing has given me more joy than to watch my own daughter play the game, yet I love watching anyone play!  Some people think that it is just baseball played with a bigger ball on a smaller field, but it is much more than that.  The game itself is faster than baseball and there is strategy in softball that does not exist on the big diamond.  And, girls have gotten so much more athletic in the last fifteen years that it has become a truly entertaining game to watch.  There is a lot of hustle and energy on the field and it is a game that continues to get better.  I played a little fast pitch in my younger days and one of my few regrets is that I had to move on and get a life and a job!  

My new found passion is soccer, more accurately, professional and international football.  Once August rolls around I am up every Saturday and Sunday morning by 5:30 to watch the English Premier League games live on the NBC networks.  I keep up to date on four different websites with what is happening in the major professional leagues.  I do not miss a Team USA game on television, men or women.  I admit that I am still working on remembering the players and the lineups, though I have a pretty good perspective of the top players and who they play for.  I am also fairly slow at learning a lot of the nuances of the game, but I am coming along.  I need to sit down with a true soccer coach and learn more about the offenses, defenses, and set pieces.  That’s on my list for the fall!  Both of my kids played soccer when they were young and both of them loved it.  I sincerely wish that both of them would have had a chance to play in high school, but that’s how it goes.

Baseball continues to be another passion of mine, though most of my attention is given to the college game.  This past year when the eight teams assembled in Omaha for the College World Series, I picked Coastal Carolina and UC-Santa Barbara, and tossed in Arizona as my third pick.  From my standpoint I could not have asked for a better 19 days!  Coastal won it all in a tremendous three game series against Arizona.  And while this was the fourth year since 1968 that I missed being at the CWS, I watched a lot of games.  One of the truly difficult things for me personally in our move to northeast Iowa was being so far away from Lincoln and Nebraska Cornhusker baseball, and Omaha for the CWS.  I watch a lot of games on television and wish that BTN would broadcast more of them.  One benefit of our move is that I am very close to many of the Northwoods League teams, one of the premier summer programs for college baseball players.  I do follow Major League Baseball during the playoffs, and still cheer on the A’s and Phillies, but I can’t name more than two or three players on each of those teams.  I was very frustrated back in the early 1990’s when baseball shut down and vowed that I wasn’t going to go to any MLB games again.  Well, time heals wounds and I have been to two, Dodger Stadium was too good of an opportunity to pass up, and most recently, I went to a game in Minneapolis to watch the Twins play my Phillies.  The cost of professional games does not make it real attractive to start going to some of these new ballparks, but who knows.  

Nothing matches the pageantry and game day excitement of college football.  I love the game and cheer enthusiastically for the Nebraska Cornhuskers and Iowa State Cyclones.  Few things give me as much enjoyment as spending all day Saturday watching college football.  The game is still creative and traditions still pull me in.  I have a bucket list of stadiums that I want to travel to and watch a game, and will hopefully be able to check a few of them off in the near future.  The frustrating part of college football, and the thing that puts a bad taste in my mouth is the exploitation of the athletes and all of the money — billions! — that is poured into a game that is played by students who attend academic institutions.  That part really turns me off, but up until now I am able to block all of that from my conscience on Saturdays when I am watching the game.  The NFL holds little interest to me.  The schemes on both sides of the ball are cookie cutter and honestly, there is little excitement on the field.  The past two years I watched less than a full game of professional football during the regular season.  I did tune in during the playoffs to see if Peyton Manning could get it done one more time, but other than that, I spend my time doing something else on Sunday afternoons.

Rugby and wrestling are the other sports that are on my passion list.  I have really enjoyed rugby, actually since my college days when a couple of friends of mine played on the club team at Nebraska.  In hindsight I wish I had joined the club and played.  Today, we have a couple of teachers at NFV that are playing the game with a club out of Decorah, and a few students that have expressed an interest.  It is a viable option to football and in my opinion, a game that I would have no problem seeing replace football.  This is a game that I still need to learn more about from a rules perspective, but I really enjoy watching them play.  Talk about incredible athletes.  No sport is more honest than wrestling.  One on one vs. your foe.  It is the true way to challenge oneself.  The sport has really come a long way in terms of technique and the quality of the elite level wrestlers.  On the other hand, I really don’t like what I see at the youth level, and the negative impact I see it having on high school wrestling.  The sport has suffered from the “participation trophy” syndrome, and I think that the rules are outdated and could be changed to make it more exciting and appeal to new fans.  That said, I missed not being able to watch as much wrestling as I would like the past few years because my daughter was playing basketball, and it has been great to get back into the gym and see the fellas square off against one another.

Things have changed over the years and I am certainly spending my leisure time different than how I used to thirty years ago.  I don’t think it is unusual for people’s likes and preferences to change over time, and maybe I will even change more in my choices.  While I wait to see if that happens, I write this with the state softball tournament just ending  and I am counting the days to the start of the soccer season and college football!  If you need me on a Saturday or Sunday morning, I’ll be watching a game!

What’s the Deal With Small Towns, Kids, and Cars?

I’m a small town kid, having spent the majority of my formative years between birth and age 18 living in Oakland, Iowa, population somewhere in the ball park of 2000, located just east of the Loess Hills region of southwest Iowa.  We did not have a stoplight, not even a yellow flasher — still isn’t one.  When I lived there I could list the names of every family living on both sides of the street, and I lived on a long street!  We had two small family owned grocery stores, three service stations, four cafes, two barbershops, a pharmacy, two hardware stores, two lumberyards, and a variety of other small retail establishments.  If you lived in Oakland you attended either the Lutheran church on the hill, went to the Christian church near the school, or went downtown to either the Congregational or Methodist church.  The few Catholics we had in town traveled fifteen miles up the road to Avoca.  Yes, in those first 18 years of my life I spent a year and a half living in Ames, Iowa, and another five as a resident of Council Bluffs, both of them cities by Iowa standards.  But even with those experiences, I was still a small town kid, proudly so!

In my adult life I have lived in a number of places, and through my professional life have met all kinds of people who live in communities vastly different from small town Iowa.  I am fascinated by the differences in living in major cities, as well as in different regions of the country.  I often think of how neat it would be to live in other places, recognizing some of the differences from what I am used to.  I have shared with others the value of living in a small town in the middle of this great country, pointing out cons as well, such as vicious gossip that spreads like the plague.  I can defend and rationalize a lot of the quirks of small town life, except for one — teenagers and their absolute need for  a car.  That is something I don’t understand, never have understood, and most likely will never be able to agree with.

Why the obsession with getting a car?  Why do kids as young as fifteen think they need a car?  Better yet, why do parents think they need to get their child a car?  For the sake of clarification, when I say a teenager having a car, I refer to possession across the spectrum of actually owning a car to having almost exclusive use of a specific vehicle regardless of who owns it on paper.  I will give you that living in a rural area and a number of our students living on a farm, or living in one of the towns other than West Union, it makes sense for  those who are involved in after school activities to have a vehicle to drive.  What gets me is that rather than driving the old family clunker generally they get a nicer one that they can call their own.  And, what’s up with each kid in the family getting one?  I can’t believe that there are families who live 15 miles from school having two or three kids driving back and forth each day, burning up fuel.  How about sharing a ride in the family clunker!  

Okay, let’s give farm kids, and those living quite a ways away from West Union a little bit of a pass in terms of needing to drive, but to have a vehicle of their own, I don’t quite buy it.  That said, no way can I understand the reason kids living within the city limits of our town needing a car.  I love it when our exchange friends from Germany come every other October.  They walk everywhere!  Go to any large city in our country and people walk!  We have a huge issue in our nation with obesity among people of all ages and yet parents allow their child to have a car to drive a few blocks every day to school.  What’s the point of that?  I also hear from a number of our students “Well, I need a car to get to work.”  Why do you need to work?  “To pay for my car/insurance/gas!”  How much sense does that make?

I understand that we live in a car world, but I am amazed at this perceived need.  We have school provided transportation for everyone, except those who live close enough to walk.  I guess it isn’t cool to ride the bus, but kids in Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, and Chicago don’t seem to suffer by doing that.  What truly bothers me is that we have high school students who should be focused on learning, and learning as much as they can, who love to drive around in their cars or insist on getting that aforementioned job to be able to have a car.   And, some of the cars that are driven to school are a lot fancier than those parked in the teacher’s lot!  The car becomes a focal point, and kids often make choices that impact their life just to have that car. 

There reality is that a car is not a necessity for a high school student.  More high school kids in our country don’t have a car than those that do!  And while there is an argument for those living a distance away, there are alternative ways for a young person to get to school.  A car is huge expense, not to mention the insurance and fuel costs.  Yes, there is a lot that can be learned in terms of responsibility, but those lessons can be learned in terms of completing homework to the best of one’s ability or spending quality time with family.  I guess this is one of those small town things that I never understood.  Like a lot of things in life, after high school there’s plenty of time to have a car!

Teenage Drinking: How To Make A Difference

One of my simple joys is listening to the radio when I am driving.  Sometimes I just look forward to taking a drive anywhere so that I can listen.  My two favorite things to listen to are sports talk and classic rock.  Occasionally I will mix in a country station, and if someone else is with me in the car I will acquiesce and listen to a little current popular music.  However, this article isn’t about some story I heard on a sports station or reminiscing about a song that took me back to my formative years.  What occurred to me is the number of times I have heard stories or commercials about the influence parents have on whether or not their child drinks.  Over the course of about a week, I heard a couple of news reports, and then a couple of commercials about how parents play the major role in their child’s decision to drink or not drink.

I first heard it when news reports came out about a significant drop in the drinking rate of  young people age 12 to 20.  According to a report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, in 2014 underage drinking dropped 21% and underage binge drinking saw a 26.4% decline.  While this is a significant decrease, researchers are very quick to caution that underage drinking is still a major problem.  Recognizing this, I still take this as a good sign, and one that shows that there is a shift in the trend of underage drinking.

There is additional good news in these most current studies, specifically in regard to drinking and driving.  It appears that young people are making better choices when it comes to getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol.  The most recent report showed a 54% drop in the incidence of underage youth drinking and driving.  College binge drinking has dropped 13% in the past decade, but as stated above, while a very positive statistic, binge drinking on college campuses is still prevalent.  Again, one needs to use a little caution, but overall these are good numbers.

However, there are a few very negative statistics related to college level students. The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that 1,825 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries and 20% of college students struggle with an alcohol use disorder each year.  Alcohol is often associated with violent behavior among college students with more than 690,000 students being assaulted by another student who has been drinking, and more than 97,000 students being victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or rape.  And, about 25% of college students report diminished academic performance as a result of their drinking, including missing classes, falling behind, poor performance on exams or papers and receiving lower grades.

While we do not have all of the same data for our students at North Fayette Valley High School that is shared above, our most current data about our students comes from the Iowa Youth Survey in the same year, 2014.  At the time of the survey 10% of NFV 8th graders and 24% of 11th graders said that they currently consumed alcohol on a regular basis, and 28% of 8th graders and 66% of 11th graders self reported that they had consumed alcohol at some point in their life.  All of those are higher than the State of Iowa average.  Even worse news is that all of those data points are higher than the previous survey done in 2013 except current users in 11th grade, which dropped 6%.  One has to be careful with statistics because there are always a variety of interpretations, but one can draw the conclusion that while underage drinking is on the decline nationally, we continue to see a rise in our own communities.  Students in our school are drinking more than they were before, and that bucks the national trend.

In some respects I am not surprised.  There is a strong drinking culture in our communities among adults, and thus a high level of acceptance.  We see a “well, they’re going to do it anyway” or “kids will be kids” attitude among many.  There are also reported incidents of parents who make the decision for other parents to allow kids to drink in their homes.  I have it from a good source that it is not unusual for a few parents in our community to allow their children to host parties with alcohol in their home as long as the kids who attend give them their keys.  My questions for those parents is:  Who gave you permission to allow my child to drink?  What gives you the right to make parenting decisions for me?  As a parent, I would expect a fellow parent to report to me that my child has engaged in illegal activity!  This “kids will be kids” excuse, coupled with an attitude that drinking alcohol is not big deal are the biggest obstacles that exist in terms of a healthy environment for our kids. 

So what can be done about this?  This is where I will go back to the radio ads that I referenced in the first paragraph.  The number one and by far the very best way to convince teenagers not to drink is for the parents to tell them not to drink!  The number one influence in a teen’s life in terms of making a decision whether or not to drink is his/her parents!  When mom and/or dad start having conversations with their child about staying away from alcohol until they are of legal age, there is a significantly better chance that they won’t drink.  According to the National Institute on Health and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, parents should start talking to their child between the ages of 10 and 14, even if they are not drinking.  These can be hard conversations, but most kids are not drinking at this age, and a parents’ disapproval of alcohol use is the primary reason that kids make the choice not to drink!  Parents that develop strong, trusting relationships with their kids establish in their children the confidence to stand against peer pressure and to have confidence in the decisions that they make.  Folks, there is no silver bullet that guarantees a child will not drink before they are of legal age.  But there is one strong deterrent . . . parents are the difference in their child’s decision to drink.

When It’s All Over

During the summer of 2016 I was struck by a very short event that I have witnessed a number of times during my lifetime, but for some reason I paid more attention to it and reflected quite a bit on what I saw and heard.  The event was the last game that three young ladies played in their high school career, specifically the last high school softball game played by Kim Rounds, Madison Monroe, and Megan Gavin.  Kim had a number of “last games” over the course of her senior season as she played volleyball, basketball, and ran track.  At the end of each season she dealt with the “last one.”  Tears and sadness marked each event for her, as well as her senior teammates in each sport.  The players get hugs from teammate, and perhaps a hug or handshake from their coach.  They go home at night and have the support of their parents.  They also deal with that emotions of a loss, because in most sports in Iowa, unless you are a state champion, your last game happens because your team gets beat.  But then a funny thing happens after those games during the school year: they go back to school, hang out with their friends, and for some, start practice for a new season.  You see, for some that really wasn’t the end.  

 

Softball is a little different.  It takes place in the summer and once it is over, it is over.  One of the unique things about Iowa is that for those kids that play softball and baseball, they get about a two month extension on high school.  At practice, on bus rides, and at games they still interact with classmates and other students, and in a way prolonging that phase of their life.  And then for every senior player except those on four baseball teams and five softball teams, they get beat and their season is over.  For the girls that play softball at NFV, many times those painful losses have taken place on the road, but they had a very cool tradition for those who minutes earlier just finished their career — the hug line.  I have no idea when it started, but when Coach Lape started coaching softball again, after he said a few words to the girls after the loss — made a special point to thank the seniors — the girls on the team formed a line along side the bus and the senior(s) hugged their way down the line.  Yep, tears and laughs and a few words were spoken, as they moved from one teammate to the next.  It seemed to lessen the sting of the loss a bit, and maybe it also cushioned the reality that the senior would not take the field again for NFVHS.  

The other thing about softball and baseball is that for those ending their career on the diamond, there was not school to go to the next Monday.  There was not practice for the next sport as the seasons changed.  Perhaps there was a team supper or something to hand out letters and awards, but those moments truly defined that an athlete’s high school career was over.  One night they are scratching the dirt in the batter’s box with their cleats or sliding head first into second base and the next next day they go on with the rest of their life.  I have to believe that’s tougher than ending things on the wrestling mat or the basketball court.  

In the case of our three ladies on the 2016 TigerHawk softball team, Madison would play more softball  in college as she went off to Ellsworth as a member of their team.  And Megan would continue playing softball at Upper Iowa.  So the game goes on for those two, but they are the exception rather than the rule.  Most high school athletes never compete again once they walk off the playing field for the last time.  I remember a particularly close-knit bunch group of high school football players about a dozen years ago who camped out on their home football field on a Thursday night before the last game they would ever play on that field again.  Most of them played another sport later in their senior year, but they had formed such close bonds as players on that team that they wanted to savor that last time.  

I am biased as baseball and softball are very important to me and my family.  In my case I played my last high school baseball game and watched movers pack a truck the next day as my mom, brother, and I filled up our pickup with suitcases to join my dad in our move from my hometown of Oakland to Lincoln, Nebraska.  Maybe that is why I am a little more sentimental because it was really over for me!  There are people that I was close to that I never saw again after that last game!  I hope that as long as Coach Lape coaches the softball team that he keeps that “hug line” in place for the girls who really do give up a lot by dedicating their summer to playing the game because it’s over before you know it and it’s kind of nice to have that shoulder to cry on.