Grit: A Few Thoughts From Angela Duckworth — Part I

When I first discovered Angela Duckworth a number of years ago, I sought out as much as I could find to read about her theories on the concept of “grit.”  The first thing I got my hands on was information from some of her research into what made people successful.  She referred to that “what” as grit.  I grabbed on to any paper, article or interview I could find written by or about Duckworth and grit.  From what I have read and learned from her I believe there is far more than can be covered in one article on this blog.  Therefore, this is the first of three articles in which I attempt to share what I believe is very important information regarding what makes human beings successful.

First off, before I dig into Duckworth’s research, I want to try and explain why I am so intrigued by her work.  As a coach and former athlete I have always been very interested in what motivates people.  The mental aspect of sport has always been more interesting to me than the physical, so it is natural that I would be drawn to her work.  But there is another reason: the actual word — grit.  That word has been used in my family for years, primarily by my maternal grandfather and my mom.  I could not begin to count how many times they referred to a person as having grit.  Most often they were referring to someone that was tough, one that stuck to it and got the job done no matter what.  I remember times when my mom would tell me that I needed to have some grit at various times when I was competing in one sport or another!  At the time my understanding was that people with grit stuck to it and got the job done, no matter what.  And for the most part, that is what Duckworth has determined separates the truly successful people from others.

The title of Duckworth’s incredible book actually defines grit, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.  That definition has been now modified as perseverance and passion for long-term goals.  One only has to read a few pages of her book to get a clear picture of what grit is and why she became so passionate in her work to better understand why some people exceed at high levels and others do not.  It all started as she was a psychology graduate student looking at why some of the cadets at West Point washed out early on, and others persevered and succeeded.  What she determined is insightful.

I will try to be brief so that this article actually comes to an end(!) and the point is made, but you need to know a few things about West Point.  The United States Military Academy in New York is where our nation’s leaders are developed.  This list of West Point graduates is extensive in terms of leaders of our nation, business and industry, and other aspects of American life.  Only the very best and brightest young men and women are selected to attend in one of the most rigid application and screening processes that exists in colleges of higher education.  It is generally a two-year process, and once a new class of cadets is selected, one has a group of extremely talented, smart, and physically gifted individuals.  There is no question that on paper, after going through all of the assessments, interviews, surveys, and tests, each new plebe is an outstanding person that should easily succeed.  Folks, these kids are the best that America has to offer!

But, they do not all make it.  In fact, 20% wash out in the first two months of school at West Point.  The Army was concerned about those that did not finish and wanted to be able to identify why some made it and others did not.  For years the Army was using a measure called the Whole Candidate Score to try and predict which high school students had the potential to succeed.  It included a weighted average of SAT and ACT exam scores, high school rank adjusted for the number of students in the applicant’s graduating class, expert appraisals of leadership potential, and performance on objective measures of physical fitness.  Yet even with this scoring system they could not accurately predict who would stick it out and go on to be commissioned officers and who would go home before the end of their freshman year.  The Army was determined to figure out how to improve their tool so as to eliminate the “wash outs.”

In the plebe’s first summer, they encounter their first challenge, commonly called the Beast.  This is a seven-week intensive training that starts at 5:00 in the morning and takes the young men and women through a structured and grueling 17-hour day described in the West Point handbook as “the most physically and emotionally demanding part of your four years at West Point . . . designed to help you make the transition from new cadet to soldier.  It is because of the Beast that 1 in 5 new cadets quits.  And, the Army was stymied as to why.  So Duckworth and Mike Matthews, a military psychologist dug in to find out what the reason was that some made it and other’s didn’t, and was there a way to predict who those individuals would be.  

There is a lot more to this story, and I strongly encourage you to read Grit.  However, to wrap this up, through their work and analysis, they found that those who dropped out rarely did so because of their ability or their talent.  There was no trend that they could find in terms of where individuals stood on the Whole Candidate Score.  Some of the highest rated new cadets dropped out, while some of the lowest ones made it.  What Matthews surmised as they looked closer at the data is that those who made it had a “never give up” attitude.  They were driven to make it through every obstacle and had a passion to work hard and succeed.

Duckworth took this experience and also worked with people in a variety of fields, looking to explain why certain people made it to the top and others did not, and she found similar attributes.  The impression that many people held is that those at the top of the field were talented people who had some luck.  But she looked at something else because there are highly talented people that do not make it.  When she really started sorting through things she determined those who made it to the top and were highly successful had a ferocious determination to succeed, were resilient and hardworking, and they knew exactly what they wanted.  They had determination and direction.  They had grit.

When We Need to Quit Dreaming and Wake Up to Reality!

A while back I had a conversation with a student and parent and was criticized afterward for a statement that I made.  I guess I was too blunt.  However, I made a personal promise to myself a number of years ago that I was not simply going to say what people wanted to hear when it came to their child.  I think that is very dishonest and it does not do anything to move the child forward.  There comes a time when it is necessary to face reality and the truth, regardless of how harsh or brutal it may be.  It is great to have dreams, but there comes a time when you have to wake up!  

I am going to change the details of this meeting to protect the identify of the student and the family.  However, before I move on to the story, I want to make it clear that I am a goal-oriented person and I still have dreams.  In fact, I dare say that anyone that has experienced success in their life has set goals and worked to achieve them, and many times these goals are based on a dream that someone has.  There is no doubt that the great dreamers have made a positive impact on our world, and frankly, without them I have a belief that our lives would not be so rich.  That said, I do not want anyone to say that I don’t buy into people having dreams, nor do I want it said that I am a dream crusher because I do truly believe that if there is something that a person wants out of life they should go for it!

Back to the story.  It is not uncommon when a meeting is held with a student and her parents to talk about goals and what they want to do when they graduate from high school.  At the current time there is almost an obsession with making sure that teenagers can define what their career choice is as soon as possible so that they have direction in life (though that’s a topic of another article).  Depending on the type of meeting that is being held, this is often part of a goal setting process, or in other instances, a stepping off point to have a conversation about performance in a particular class.  In this particular meeting, the question that was posed was one asked all of the time: what do you want to do when you graduate from high school?  The student’s response came quickly . . . I want to play on the U.S Olympic Volleyball team.

This was not the first time I heard this from the student, nor was it the first time the other adults in the room heard it.  In fact, I anticipated that it would be stated.  It is fine for a 15-year old to dream, in fact, they should!  However, when we are talking about how to prepare for life beyond high school, at some point people need to look through a realistic lens.  In this particular situation, the student had some struggles in school, but some of that was due to not being focused on learning.  The reality for our students is that in a couple of years they are going to be done with high school, and then what?  How are you going be prepared for that next step?  How are you going to fulfill your dream?

Another thing that I knew going into this meeting was that the parent was 100% supportive of their child’s dream.  That’s a good thing too, and parental support is very important in terms of kids getting to where they want to get in life.  Yes, there are those instances when a child had a dream that goes against what a parent wants, and perhaps so that can say “I told you so,” go on to great success on their chosen path.  However, common sense would say that if a parent supports their child in their pursuit of their dream, that chance of meeting it will increase.  Yet in my opinion it is important that the parent also has their feet grounded in reality and recognize whether or not their child has done what it takes to position themselves to reach their goals in life.  None of this stroking their self-esteem because the priority is that their child is happy all of the time!

At the meeting when it came time to talk about what the student wanted to do after high school for a career, she said what I expected her to say, “I want to play on the U.S. Olympic Volleyball team.”  Mom patted her on the hand and gave her one of those motherly looks that sends the message, “Whatever you want, honey.”  This is where I came in.  I looked the young lady directly in the eyes and said, “Jillian, you are not going to make the Olympic volleyball team.  That is a dream that is not going to be fulfilled.  Less than ten Division 1 volleyball players are even invited to tryout for Team USA each year.  One, maybe two of them make the team.  From there, they go to training camp and the team is whittled down even further.  Each year in the state of Iowa perhaps ten high school seniors get a scholarship to play on a Division 1 volleyball team.  Each of those teams carry about 15 players.  a third of those players never see the court or get to play meaningful minutes.  At the current time you are a junior in high school.  You are not on the volleyball team this season.  You did not play on our team last year.  You quit the team midway through your freshman year.  You are not going to play on the U.S. Olympic volleyball team.”

I went on to say, “You need to put that out of your mind because it is preventing you from looking at things that you can do with your life.  I understand that the vast majority of kids your age have no clue what they are going to do with their life, but you are putting a self-imposed obstacle in front of your options because you are misleading yourself into believing you are going to be a world class volleyball player.  To look at it another way, we are here to help you achieve your goals and help your dreams come true.  How can we help you with this volleyball dream if you aren’t even going to play volleyball on our high school team?”

There was more to the conversation, but this is the jest of it.  This may be one of the more extreme examples I have confronted.  This is a lot different from the kids growing up playing basketball in the driveway dreaming of shooting a three pointer in the NBA for the Lakers.  We need to have those dreams!  Even high school kids that dream of playing football on Saturday afternoon need to have those dreams to get them through those mind-numbing practices in mid-October.  Dreaming is important, but what are you doing to make your dreams come true?  If you are just sitting their waiting for something to happen, it’s not going to!  A dream should inspire action.  For that young girl that dreams of being a star in the movies, she had better be doing everything possible to develop her skills and talent.  If she is just going about life waiting for some “star-maker” to tap her on the shoulder and bless her with fame and fortune, that’s not going to happen.

Why do I bring this topic up?  There are two reasons.  First, most people have a dream or two about what they want out of life, and in my opinion, that it good.  If it is going to come true, the burden is on the dreamer to make it happen, to take charge of their life and do everything in their power to make it a reality.  If a person is not willing to commit to living their dream, then they are basically wasting their time, and perhaps the time and efforts of others.  They are spinning their wheels going no where, and rather than seeing their dream come true, before they know it, their life is a fantasy with no real direction or purpose.  By the time a young person is preparing to take that step into the “real world” beyond high school, they had better have at least one foot in reality.   

What Is Really Important?

“We need to care less about whether our children are academically gifted and more about whether they sit with the lonely kid in the cafeteria.”

What do you think of this quote?  I ran across this on a sign somewhere and stopped to write it down because as I was really taken by it.  It forced me to stop and think about what is really important in life, and what sustains our civilization.  I agree with this quote 100%, and yet I work in an environment where I am not sure that most of the kids come into this school with this general belief.  In fact, I know that this isn’t true because we do have kids sitting by themselves at lunch, and we do have students who also walk through the doors driven for academic success.

While I believe this quote and recognize that I can impact our student’s behavior, my mind has wandered to what it implies and how that is manifested today.  For example, we do have some parents obsessed with the academic success of their kids.  Straight-A’s is the minimum expectation, and while the student may be involved in some activities and have some friendships, there is a focus on “resume padding” efforts that are in reality little more than membership in a group or token efforts to provide service in order that one can place the “experience” on their resume, and applications for scholarships and college.  While many of these students really are good kids, there is often more of a carefully crafted image than substance.  But, aren’t these straight-A kids the smart kids?  Well, in traditional grading systems knowing how the “play the system” is often a stronger influence on the grade than being smart.  That said, I can also think of a number of students today and in the past that were top scholastic performers who were also very friendly and supportive to other students regardless of who they were.  So, I am not painting this all with the same broad brush, but I think it is important to recognize we have the problem.

Notice that at the beginning of the previous paragraph the term “ academic success” was used, not learning.  To be honest, many of the brightest kids, those that have learned a great deal, are at a tier below the top.  The success obsessed parents and students often disregard the importance of learning.  They figure out how to rely on a variety of factors to get the A, but do not challenge themselves, or stretch themselves to learn at more depth or at a higher level.  These grade-chasers look at good grades as tokens that will be converted to front-page pictures, scholarships, and awards during the senior year.  And for many, this is at the cost of learning as much as they could, and actually being a more well-rounded person.  Those kids that really want to learn tend to take more risks, and if they do not get a perfect score, they are willing to accept that.  They have internalized that what they have learned will take them further than the letter put on the top of a paper. 

It isn’t only academic success that some parents are obsessed with.  We also have some obsessed with athletic success.  Chasing the almighty college scholarship is more of a status thing for parents than it is a reality for the students.  The athletic obsessed parent often lives vicariously through their child and look forward to the opportunities to tell tales about the mail their child is receiving or the phone calls they get from coaches.  In our sports obsessed nation some of us believe that if we have a child that is being recruited to play sports at the college level, that makes us a little more special because that child carries our DNA!  Dads in particular talk about the full-ride scholarship offers, almost always stretching the truth because in reality less than 0.01% of high school seniors receive a full-ride athletic scholarship!  When it comes to high school, being the jock and recognized for athletic success is the top priority, and along with it comes a strong sense of entitlement.

This brings me back to the second part of the quote, many of us love to talk about our kids, and there is nothing wrong with being proud of their accomplishments.  I am very proud of both of my kids!  Yet how many of us have truly encouraged our kids to be a champion of those that aren’t given a fair shake?  Those that need a hand up, or are outliers for whatever reason?  Is it possible that we can expect our kids to give their best effort in whatever they pursue, stretch themselves and achieve at a high level, and at the same time reach out to those that are less fortunate?  Every day at lunch I walk through the cafeteria and see kids sitting by themselves.  How lonely is that?  A few have the courage to go sit at a table with a few other kids, but are just as isolated because they are totally ignored.  We have these kids at NFVHS, and yet other students all too easily walk right past them because they are focused on things other than the well-being of others.

How many of you spend time talking to your kids about being a nice person or doing something good for someone else each day?  Have you ever talked to your daughter about going out of her way to talk to a peer that seems to be all alone?  What about talking to your son about finding that young man that sits by himself at lunch and sitting with him?  How about instead of hanging with your buddies, who are going to be there anyway, reach out to the new kid that doesn’t know anyone?  How we treat one another is a true measure of our society and our humanity.  Quite honestly I have a lot more respect for our students that are good kids than I do those that achieve some high level of success.  They are going to have a much greater impact on our society than those that are obsessed with  high academic success, or having their pictures in the paper.  And, they will be a lot more important to that lonely kid sitting by herself at lunch.

How Have We Disrespected the Flag?

On Friday, September 22, 2017, the President of the United States fired up his base of supporters by calling out professional athletes who have expressed their 1st Amendment right of free speech and expression by taking a knee or sitting during the playing of the National Anthem.  Ever since San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick took a knee to demonstrate the treatment of of African-Americans in our nation, there has been impassioned debate about freedom of expression and speech guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States versus respect for the flag of a nation that men and women have died fighting to defend.    

This is not the first time such protest has taken place.  As a young boy I remember when John Carlos and Tommy Smith raised their fists in a black glove on the podium at the Mexico City Olympics as a protest for civil rights in 1968.  I remember protesters burning the flag in the streets at the height of the Vietnam War.  In both instances my father was outraged by those acts.  When it comes to the symbols of our great nation, emotions are very strong, and when there are instances when two different parts of the Constitution are pitted against each other, it becomes difficult if not impossible to draw black and white conclusions.  What a person often hears in this debate are statements about “respecting the flag,” many of them connected with respect for members of the armed forces.  Many Americans share this belief, I among them.  However, after the most recent flare up of attention to this issue, I sought to find out more about what determines what is respectful and what is not, and I found a source.  The United States Code Title 36 Chapter 10 outlines among other things how citizens shall behave during the playing of the national anthem and show respect for the flag.  You can do a search online and find this for yourself, and compared to many government documents, this one is pretty easy to understand.

We all learned at a very young age that when the National Anthem is played, or when we are asked to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, we are to stand at attention, face the flag, and place our right hand over our heart.  That is stated specifically in the code.  In addition, it is stated that if a flag is not present, we are to do the same and face toward the music and act in the same manner as if the flag was present.  When the flag passes in front of us, such as in a parade, we are to stand with our right hands over our heart, according to the code.  And obviously, in all of the above situations, men are to remove their headdress.

Very few times have I seen people acting disrespectful toward the flag, and most often it has been young kids at public events.  It does bother me when I see them behaving in a disrespectful manner, and when I am close enough to them, I draw attention to what they are supposed to do.  We all seem to have internalized that we are supposed to do in the circumstances identified above.  However, in my research, there are a number things that many of us do that according to the code are just as disrespectful as not standing or turning our back on the flag, and I am sure that most people are not even aware of them.

Perhaps the most violated of the standards in the code that we have all witnessed, and perhaps a few of us have done, is to use the flag “as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.”  Personally, I have not done that as I have been aware of this for a long time.  However, I have family members that have worn flag apparel for years, especially on the Fourth of July.  In their mind, they are being patriotic, as I am sure most people believe.  But it is not.  The code says that the flag should “never” be used in that manner!  The strongest memory I have that reinforced this was when I was a small boy living in Ames, Iowa while my dad attended Iowa State University working on his graduate degree.  We were at the Veishea parade and in the middle of the parade was a large number of anti-war protesters.  One of them had the flag sewn on the hind-end of his jeans.  An older gentleman near me was very agitated by that and yelled loudly at this person about the flag being "on his ass.”  This gentleman was very upset, and when the marcher heard him, he flipped him off.  That made an incredible impression on a second-grader that I have never forgotten and is the reason why I have never worn a flag as apparel.  I have to admit that I was uncomfortable when our student section had “America Night” as a theme at a recent volleyball game because some of them were wearing flag apparel.  It just  doesn’t sit well with me because from my perspective, it is disrespectful.

I have participated in an act that disrespected the flag, and admit that I was not aware of it until I came across this part of the code: “the flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free.”  Three times I have part of over two-hundred people, most of them high school marching band members from southwest Iowa, who held a 100-yard long American flag horizontal about five feet above the surface of the football field at the Fiesta Bowl.  As I reflect on this each time we were there to do this, the owners of the flag always told us the history of this huge flag and why their father made it and was determined to display it at events similar to this football game.  While I do not remember specific details of the story, I do know that it was because of a strong sense of patriotism that he did this.  I guess that now I find it a bit ironic that a gentleman that put such effort and pride into this would not have known that holding it in a horizontal, flat position was not a respectful way to display it.  Most recently, while watching our TigerHawks play football at Waukon, a group of people did the same thing with a significantly smaller flag.  They carried it horizontal to the group onto the field for the National Anthem, and then off in the same manner.  Of course they thought they were being patriotic and respectful, but they were not.

Here are a couple of other disrespectful ways that people use the flag, most likely not being aware.  “The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard. Advertising signs should not be fastened to a staff or halyard from which the flag is flown.”  How many picnics have you been to when the plates and napkins have had the flag on them?  "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations. The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing. Therefore, the lapel flag pin being a replica, should be worn on the left lapel near the heart.”  How about those baseball uniforms that have a flag patch sewn on the sleeve?  How about stickers on football helmets that have the flag embossed inside a school logo?  Those two are considered to be disrespectful to the flag. As is the adornment to a pickup truck I saw the other morning at Casey’s with that ripped or torn look along the side of it and the stars and stripes being shown.

There are other examples of common day-to-day occurrences that most of us are not aware of when a lack of respect is shown to our flag.  Some may wonder that since there is a code, are their consequences?  The code is a guide of how to handle and display the Stars and Stripes.  Penalties are left to the states, and each one has its own flag law.  I do not know what the laws are in the State of Iowa, but would guess that we do have them.  Regardless, as stated earlier, most of us are very much aware of the expectations for those instances when most of us are in front of our nation’s flag, but most likely totally unaware of some of the disrespectful things that are done every day.  

This brings me to my final point.  It is a fact that nearly everyone is aware of expected decorum when we are at a sporting event, the flag appears, and the National Anthem is played, and that is why I believe so many people are offended when some of our sports heroes take a knee or raise a fist.  It is a violation of what we know and expect.  Perhaps we should be equally upset with the people with stars and stripes bikinis and t-shirts, as well as the family at their reunion on the 4th of July who use flag table clothes and cups.  Most of us won’t because we view this people as being patriotic, even though by the code, they are not.  Perhaps we should save some of our disgust for those who kneel, and remind others when they too are disrespectful by their actions.

What Has Happened To Sportsmanship In Wrestling?

Sportsmanship was always something that was stressed in the Wolverton household when I grew up.  I will not go on record saying that I always exhibited that as I certainly let my emotions get the best of me from time to time, but it did not happen often.  Particularly when I competed in wrestling as both a wrestler and a coach, win or lose, I would man up at the conclusion of a match, look the opponent in the eye, shake his hand and say “Good Job.”  Then I would walk off the mat, listen for a moment to what my coach had to say, grab my sweats and then find some place recover from the match and start preparing myself mentally for the next one.  I was not really any different than any other wrestler at that time.  There was the occasional competitor that would get real emotional after a loss and have to be sent — sometimes escorted — back to the center of the mat and then would maybe walk off the mat in the opposite direction of their coach, but that really the exception rather than the rule back in the 1970’s and 1980’s.  

In the stands there were the loud fans, most often yelling in support of their wrestler/son, and yes, some loud remarks directed at the referee, usually “He’s stalling!”  Maybe an angry dad might have to get up from their seat and go out into the hall, lobby, or outside to cool off a bit, but they went out on their own accord and kept their thoughts to themselves.  I guess that I should qualify one thing here to be totally accurate.  I do remember at a kids tournament in Bennington, NE that a couple of dads went chest to chest on the side of the mat because of a hard fought match between their two sons that was in progress.  I remember that in a great deal of detail because it was so unusual.  By no means was is perfect back in the day, but it was a lot different than what I see in the sport today.

In large part, I think that sportsmanship in wrestling has gotten as bad as it has because of changes in attitude and focus, as well as what has been emulated by athletes that are looked up to by younger wrestlers.  In this sport, the kids copy what they see from the college levels athletes, and the top high school competitors.  It is kind of interesting to see some of the changes that have evolved over the years off the mat, but that’s a story for another time.  Behavior on the mat is certainly something that is copied as well.  As much as I don’t like to admit it, some of the boorish behavior comes from the team that I have cheered for over the years, the Iowa Hawkeyes (note, this is the only University of Iowa team I cheer for!).  Back in the Gable era, they established the hard-nosed, grind and pound, wear-them-out style that lead to nearly total dominance on the mat.  I do not think Dan Gable was a poor sport, or encouraged bad sportsmanship, but I do not think he thought about it a great deal either or stressed it with his wrestlers.  Actually, some of what I see today came from the Gable era, but since then has become more extreme.

Wrestling is the ultimate individual sport.  Respect for your opponent is paramount.  Challenging oneself against the best should be goal of every wrestler.  I figure that in 2017 when Americans can compete in a physical, violent contest vs. a counterpart from Iran, shake hands after the match and walk off the mat respecting their foe regardless of the outcome, there is no reason that we have poor sportsmanship in any aspect of our sports world.  Honestly, I believe that a lot of the bad behavior that takes place in our sport is because the wrestler, coach, or parent is more upset with himself/herself than the opponent, but in the macho world of wrestling, cannot admit it at the time.  My worst behavior in a match took place when I was in 8th grade and I competed against the first kid that ever talked trash to me on the mat during a match.  Yes, he got under my skin, which is something I allowed!  What did I do?  After I had beaten him, when the referee had us shake hands and raised my arm to signify my victory, I loudly fired back at my defeated foe, loud enough that everyone in the gym could hear it.  I was lucky to get out of that school without getting pummeled.

So what is it that has happened that has lead to me writing this blog?  First of all, its more attitude than anything.  T.R. Foley, a columnist on Intermat, wrote a while back, "This isn't just running off the mat after you lose a match, or refusing to shake an opposing coach's hand. This is the constant focus on INTENSITY rather than technique, WEIGHT CUT rather than healthy dieting, and the idea of BREAKING your opponent rather than letting your excellence and hard work shine. For all the life lessons wrestling can teach young kids our culture has done a fantastic job of bastardizing it to become one with a focus on trying to KILL your opponent rather than just try to score more points or pin them.”  Foley has a great deal of knowledge about the sport on an international level, and maintains that the greatest wrestlers in the world are just the opposite, and as I have watched more of that style of wrestling in recent years, I agree.  At the local level, it is ridiculous to watch nine-year olds encouraged by the fathers to dominate their opponent.  Watch a middle school kid try to get extra physical at the start of the match and I will show you a young man that lacks confidence in himself as a wrestler.  It is a smoke screen that often results in the more skilled wrestler putting the “bully” on his back, then resulting in a fist punch to the mat, a scream, tears, a boy storming off the mat trailed by his dad yelling over his shoulder at the referee.  I have seen that repeat itself many times in recent years.

The behaviors that bother me the most and need to be eliminated are as follows:

• Refusing to shake hands after the match.  Any thing other than standing up and shaking the opponents hand respectfully is ridiculous.  Being forced to go back by a coach to shake a hand, or the hand-slap and running off the mat technique is immature.  Even the most broken-hearted competitor has the capacity to pause for a few minutes, take a couple of deep breaths, take off their ankle bands and then stand up, go to the middle of the mat and shake hands.  
• Posing and celebrating on the mat after a victory.  Most common is the double-bicep pose.  What is this?  I recall adults asking little kids to “Show me your muscle” but that stops when they are about three!  I have seen back flips, running around the circle of the mat, strutting around with their chest popped out, and jumping up and down while pumping one’s fist.  Save it!  You can do all of that in the locker room if you feel so inclined.  You have beaten your foe, now have some humility.  It is common after winning a state championship to run off the mat and jump into the coach’s waiting arms.  Funny how I have not seen Olympic or World champions do that.  
• Running off the mat.  This is one of those things that started in the Gable era.  In reality, I have no problem with a wrestler getting off the mat, and in the early days, they would do that after getting up, shaking hands, and having the winner’s arm raised.  But that has grown into the defeated wrestler jumping up and an at a minimum trying to slap the winners hand as they are taking off.  They often have tears in their eyes or are very angry.  Grow up!   
• Purposefully humiliating an inferior opponent in front of the crowd.  This has actually been going on for a long time even though a number of coaches have worked hard to convince their athletes otherwise.  The ultimate goal of wrestling is to pin your opponent.  When a wrestler puts his/her toe on the mark, they should be working for the pin.  What I am talking about is the one who easily takes an opponent down, lets them go, takes them down, lets them go and so on.  I have seen others get on top and turn an opponent a number of time to get back points, but let them return to their base without really trying to pin them.  Why?  Statistics.  They are trying to build their stats’ and in the meantime an over-matched opponent is humiliated.  After the first time one of my wrestlers did this when I was coaching, I made it clear to him and the rest of the team that in those circumstances when they had that kind of an opponent, they goal was to see how fast they could pin them.  Period.
• Parents berating officials, coaches, wrestlers, and whomever else is in the area.  I quit going to youth tournaments seven years ago because I could not stomach the behavior of parents.  Most likely I will never return.  The problem is that parents get away with ridiculous behavior at these youth tournaments and continue that into high school.  In what world would one believe that parents would come onto the mat and assault a referee, or even more incredible, throw a punch at their son’s opponent in the middle of a match.  Yes, that has happened. 

You will note that I do not include coaches.  Actually, I believe that the behavior of coaches has improved, I think in large part because of education, rule changes, and a focus on them having good sportsmanship.  I do believe that many are not doing enough in regard to the behavior of their athletes, but concerning their own behavior, it has improved.

I think to be fair, there are other opinions on this, defenders if you will.  Some will say that some of these things are accepted aspects of the sport.  Well, there was a time they were not, and nothing says that they have to continue.  Wrestling is a tough sport, and it appeals to tough people.  Some of the negatives come with the territory.  But as long as it continues to be a sport sponsored by schools there has to be an educational component and a standard.  It is time for all wrestlers to become men and conduct themselves in an appropriate and acceptable manner.  

The Day They Played The Game An No One Came

As the point guard dribbled the ball in the backcourt, one could hear the ball as it bounced rhythmically against the wood floor, the squeak of shoes against the wooden floor, and loud comments among players from both teams as the ball was passed and screens were set.  The coaches were giving directions from the sideline and giving encouraging words.  The occasional whistle from an official seemed very loud and shrill as play came to a stop.  After a shot was made there were a couple of hand claps and a few “Good jobs!” as the players moved to the other end of the floor. 

What you didn’t hear was loud cheering and clapping, obnoxious and crude statements yelled at a referee, or nonsense chants from the student section.  There wasn’t that person sitting in the middle of the crowd standing up yelling “Traveling” while rapidly spinning his arms in front of him in the familiar manner to indicate a violation.  No loud-mouthed football players sitting in the front row chanting “Air Ball!  Air Ball!  Air Ball” when a player on the opposing team failed to draw iron on a three point attempt.  That mom that sits in the top row with a spiral notebook keeping stats because she doesn’t think the official scorekeeper does an accurate job isn’t there.  Nor is that dad that sits right behind the bench so he can signal and mouth words to his son during time outs.  None of those people are at this game.  In fact, no one is there other than the players, coaches, and officials.

This probably sounds ridiculous to many of you, and perhaps even a little unthinkable.  However, it might not be as far-fetched as one might think.  There is no question that fan behavior has been less that stellar at various sports competitions, ranging from parents attacking umpires at Little League baseball games to those throwing so many empty bottles on the field at a college football game that three entire sections of students were cleared out before the game was resumed.  We all know that “fan” is derived from “fanatic” and it appears that more people are taking fanaticism to sporting events.  Like many things there is a trickle down effect in fan behavior as college student sections tend to be much more boorish than those at high school games, though some of those behaviors have been adopted by high school kids.  The loud drunk yelling obscenities at an NFL game is much more common than at high school games, but those people do show up from time to time.  

Gyms have been emptied in high schools and middle schools in our country because of the threat of gang violence, and there has been the occasional football game played in front of empty stands because of problems between rival fan bases.  In the soccer world they use the term “Behind Closed Doors” to reference those games when fans are not allowed in the stadium to watch.  Most often it is because of crowd trouble and safety concerns, though in recent years decisions have been made in Europe due to racist behavior directed toward players.  In 2015 a Baltimore Oriole baseball game against the Chicago White Sox was moved ahead to an afternoon game and played in front of no fans because of a curfew due to civil unrest in Baltimore.

I have never been in a venue where I ever thought behavior or safety concerns warranted the game being played with only the players, coaches and officials in the gym or at the field.  That said, I have removed fans that are behaving badly and I have walked both coaches and officials off the floor out of concern of what fans, or in the case of officials, what a coach may do.  I have seen a parent rush on to a wrestling mat and rip a wrestler off the top of his son, and I saw a coach get upset with an umpire at a softball who became so enraged that when he was kicked out of the game he continued yelling at the top of his lungs all the way around the ball field as he was leaving.

So why being this up?  Why spend this amount of time writing about a hypothetical situation where fans are not allowed to be in the gym during a high school basketball game?  Well, I bring it up because I do see it happening more often at some point in the not too distant future.  I say this because it seems like we two issues that seem to be converging.  One, fan and parent behavior seems to be getting more extreme at high school events, and two, school officials are looking at more extreme ways to deal with problems that they face.  I have had conversation with coaches about this topic from time to time, and while not all of them agree with the notion of playing games in front of empty bleachers, some of them did.  Ultimately it comes down to the fact that the games are for the kids, and when those who only have a rooting interest interfere, perhaps it is time to leave them out.  

How About A Mandatory Two Years of Service?

I don’t know when I first heard about the concept of every American high school graduate being required to give two years of service to Uncle Sam.  This has to go back at least to when I was a teenager as I recall being told that in some countries all 18-year olds went into their country's military for a couple of years of service.  Of course, that was back in the era of the Cold War and my guess it was some of those Iron Curtain countries that had that requirement, though South Korea, Turkey, Columbia, Israel, Brazil and a number of countries do require it today.  There have been at least a couple of times in the last thirty-plus years when various leaders in our country have mentioned it, and I don’t know why but this is something that keeps coming up in my own mind.  I have thought more so about it in the past five or six years and have started to adopt the belief that every American high school graduate should be required to give two years of service to our country.  Let me explain four reasons this makes sense.

Kids Don’t Know What They Want To Do — A large percentage of this generation of young people is graduating from high school with no idea what they want to do with their life.  Who could blame them in these rapidly changing and uncertain times!  This idea of giving service will be two years — more if they choose — when they can mature and have additional experiences that may help them identify the path they want to take.  It sure would beat throwing money away for two years of college at which time majors are changed and a somewhat out of date educational system prepares many students for careers where there really are not many jobs.  A couple of more years of maturity would clarify things for these young adults.

Get Them Away From Mom and Dad — No generation of children have been raised by such over-protective, coddling, helicopter parents that have reinforced a strong sense of entitlement in their kids.  Our kids have it easy, and we are to blame for that!  We have given them everything they want, and I question whether we have given them what they need.  They haven’t had to fend for themselves or do without.  Few kids today mow the lawn, wash windows in the spring, or do dishes.  Heck, we have kids in our own community that believe it is beneath them to work at Hardee’s or Subway!  What happens with many is that 1) they are afraid to leave the nest when they graduate from high school and hang around for far too many years, or 2) they go off to college only to drive back every weekend and eventually drop out of school.  This is common!

Pay Back For What You Have Been Given — Hey, our country has given a lot to each and everyone of us.  Many people claim that our country needs to cut back on the amount the government spends on various services.  Well many of us have been beneficiaries of some of those services, such as a public education, and it could be that by giving two years of service we could better justify the money that has been spent.  We have young people who have benefitted directly or indirectly from various support programs like food stamps, social security, and unemployment.  There is nothing wrong with having them turn around and give to others, just as others have given to them.  Whether it is tutoring or running after school programs in parts of this country where education is poor, to serving as ambassadors for this great country in a Peace Corps model, everyone has something to give.   

Contribute To The Country — Perhaps the best reason is to help out the country.  Back in the era of Franklin D. Roosevelt, thousands of young people were put to work throughout the country and we still see the results of some of those WPA and CCC efforts.  Today, our political leaders will not allocate money to maintain our National Parks or infrastructure improvements such as rebuilding roads and bridges.  Labor for those projects can be provided with our nation’s 18- to 20-year olds!  Parents who can’t afford day care so they can work a job could have a ready supply of babysitters.  We can increase the size of our military, both at home and abroad.  Heck, we could have such a large labor force that in some states we may not need to use prisoners on a chain gang to pick up trash and cut weeds along the highways!   People often complain that no one is taking care of this, or taking care of that.  Well, that can be done under this plan.

Lessen The Need For Cheap Immigrant Labor — I am not anti-immigration, nor am I one that bangs the drum about needing a wall to keep out illegals.  I am realist and know that out economy still needs cheap, unskilled labor. No, this should not be a way to deliver free workers to corporations, but it could provide a pool of workers for government funded projects.  A little hard work in the fruit and vegetable fields, or time spent landscaping might help develop an appreciation of physical labor.

In my grand plan I have a few rules that go along with this.

1. Every high school graduate has their choice of joining the military for two years or providing service to the country for the same amount of time.  
2. No 18 year-olds are exempt except for those that are incarcerated, a resident of a mental health facility, or hospitalized for a life-threatening illness.  Once these individuals are released they will serve their two years.  Those with a physical disabilities will serve in a capacity where they are not limited.  There are many jobs where a physical disability is not a limitation.
3. Students that dropout of high school will be required to report within thirty days of dropping out and will serve until they reach the age of 21.  While serving they will  receive educational support in order to be eligible to enter at least a community college upon completion of their service.
4. No cell phones except for an hour on the weekend.  They will not be needed and are not necessary.

The plan isn’t perfect, but it’s close!  There is still plenty of time for all students to go on to college and have a career of their choosing.  As it stands now we have around 3.5 million young people graduate from high school each year, and about 1.2 million dropouts.  That is a sizable workforce!  We are facing uncertain times so there is a ready supply of individuals to serve in the military as well as young people that can make a difference in the lives of others.  We have a lot of places in this country that would benefit from services that people can provide and what is lacking right now are the people and the money to do it.  Well, this plan will provide the people, and since they are not being paid, they are coming at a low cost!