When I first saw this I had a really good chuckle, and then I shared it with our guidance counselor, Bill Clark. I cannot begin to estimate the number of conversations we have had over the years about the “drama queens” that create such chaos at school. A few years back I referred to these girls as ones who “starred in their own soap opera.” They love attention. They believe that their experiences are different than anyone else’s. And, they end up causing a lot of trouble and a lot of collateral damage. A drama queen is an attention hog who isn’t happy unless they have 1) caused a number of people to express a level of concern and 2) they have caused emotional damage for at least one other person. In my years of public education, the unscientific estimate is that there are generally one to three of these in each class of 70 to 80 students.
Social psychologists have written at length that we are currently living in a period of unprecedented narcissism among young people. Never before have we had a generation of teens and young adults that are more wrapped up in themselves than those that we have today. This is reflected in their music, as noted by Tim Elmore who recently wrote about how many of the popular songs today have “I” or “me” in the title. The Youtube phenomenon allows anyone who wants to be seen or noticed to put their “show” up for anyone to watch. I was amazed how popular and recognizable people I have never heard of from online “channels” are who were running the Amazing Race. If you own a smart phone, you can shoot video and get people to watch you!
From the perspective of a school employee, working with drama queens becomes very time consuming and emotionally draining. They can become a real problem. Digging into this, there are various definitions that describe these people. Wikipedia defines a drama queen as a person who habitually responds to situations in a melodramatic way. The Urban Dictionary has a similar definition: an overly dramatic person. Webster defines them as a person (especially a woman) who acts as though things are much worse than they really are. In an article published in Scientific American, they are referred to as a person who reacts everyday with excessive emotion and behaves in a theatrical, attention-grabbing way. Does this sound like anyone you know?
At school, the individual that has to deal with drama queens more than anyone is our counselor. However, they have an impact on nearly everyone they are in contact with. They often become “time suckers” and force people to spend time with them. In order to do that, other work they may have, or other people they need to attend to, are often pushed off to the side, to be attended to later. At times they create chaos because of the reactions and responses from other students. Sometimes they turn quickly on their closest friends and the resulting fall-out taxes the resources we have available. It is not unusual for them to threaten violence toward themselves or others, and many of them suffer from depression or anxiety.
Drama queens are very real. Some of the ones we have at our school have become one due to trauma they experienced in childhood. Research by the Child Trauma Academy found that some "children who experience trauma undergo changes in brain chemistry that result in them becoming moody, oversensitive to stimulation, and unable to accurately assess certain social and environmental cues."
Neglect is another factor in young people craving the attention and acting in the manner of a drama queen. Parents that ignore or dismiss a child’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions may find their child behaving in a much more dramatic fashion in order to get their attention. In fact, some children develop borderline personality disorder (BPD) and will do whatever is necessary to get attention, from dressing provocatively to telling wild stories.
A 2004 study by John Gunderson of Harvard Medical School suggests that drama queens may have come about due to their DNA. According to Gunderson, "27% of the relatives of a person with BPD display aspects of the disorder’s problematic relationship style.” Simply said, drama queens are often the progeny of drama queens.
When we accept that these students and their over-reaction to sometimes common events may have their behavior ingrained on their brain, we can develop strategies to that help us teach other students to distance themselves from them, and at the same time practice empathy. As adults we can also be better equipped with strategies to help them acknowledge that their problems are no different than those faced by others. Giving them time initially is a basic human response, but the learning comes when lines are drawn so that the drama queens develop an awareness of others. When that is reinforced consistently, there can be less drama in our queens!
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