What Is A Good Man?

I ran across a quote a while back that I have held on to and pondered a number of times.  It struck me at the time I first read it, and since then I have continued to contemplate what it means.  The quote is: A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.  It kinds of reminds me of the chorus to a song I recall from many years ago, and like the words to a song, it can be interpreted different ways.

A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.

My initial attempt to make sense of this runs along the line of being true to oneself and not presenting a false image of who we are.  People often have an impression of what they believe they should be, most often linked with how they define success.  Based on that impression they sometimes succumb to creating a false image of themselves so that others view them as successful.  Based on the quote above, they live a lie, but eventually they are exposed and others see them for who they truly are.  I think back to a person that I knew about thirty years ago when I was a young teacher.  I’ll refer to him as Richard, a person who had returned to his hometown after receiving an education at one of our nation’s military academies and serving his country as a military officer for a number of years.  Once back in his home community he began a career in the financial business and by all accounts accumulated a great deal of wealth in a relatively short period of time.  He was more than a little arrogant, and was a fairly influential person in the community, though he was not highly engaged in voluntary groups, or for that matter, any community organizations.  Neither he or any of him family members “flashed” wealth, but it was believed by most they had a lot of money because they would take what at that time were considered exotic trips. 

Eventually stories started circulate around the community that Richard would take advantage of his pilot’s license and fly his wife to the east coast for a Friday night dinner at a five-star restaurant because he could, or send his wife and daughter to L.A. for a three day weekend and shopping spree on Rodeo Drive.  Then word of week-long vacations to the Caribbean and Europe started to circulate, though few if any people ever heard about them first-hand.  Were the stories true, or were they part of the typical small town rumor mill?  One would suppose that there was at least some truth to that because all of a sudden in the late 80’s, Richard suddenly disappeared, running out on his wife and kids and blowing out of town.  Gone like a ghost.  Why?  Well, not long after it was exposed that through his financial dealings he cheated a number of people and regulators eventually caught up with him.  The positive is that he was found and justice was served as he spent time behind bars.  He was exposed.  He wasn’t the patriot, wholesome family man, and honest businessman people had thought.  He lived a lie and was nothing more than a man.

I most often look at this quote and believe that it best references being honest with oneself, and the importance of continuing to become a better you.  Particularly after we have lived for a few years, we have a chance to reflect and assess whether we are being the best person we can be.  Everyone makes mistakes in life, poor choices, and probably shared a few white lies.  Many of us have acted at least a little selfish, some making the decision to do something for ourself rather than something that could benefit others.  We tell stories over a few beers and stretch the truth and as time goes on and our memory fades a bit, perhaps that truth-stretching is unintended.  Maybe we have been obsessed with chasing the gold ring and having nice things at the expense of developing strong relationships with sons and daughters, family and friends.

I once lived in a community where status was very important.  Even if one did not have a great deal of money or a job that is highly respected, they would buy expensive cars and boats, party hard in expensive clothes, and act as if they were extra-special and better than others.  I could not wait to move on, and it was nice to live in a couple of communities where people accepted one another for who they were, and people were not obsessed with putting on airs.  Being able to accept oneself and who you are is admirable, and hopefully that comes to each of us sooner rather than later.

A good man can only live a lie for so long before he becomes just a man.