When I read this headline in the Des Moines Register January 8, 2017, I said to myself, “I am so sick and tired of all of this public proposal crap!” I am sure that I also rolled my eyebrows and probably mumbled something like “you have to be @!#*@#! kidding me!” The translation for this reaction is “Why are people obsessed with attention? Why are people screaming ‘Hey! Look at me!’” I find it incredible that people actually stage moments in their life to get maximum exposure. It’s kind of like average Americans have become their own hype-machine determined to make sure they get their 15-minutes of fame! Give me a break!
At what point did we become so self-absorbed that brides-to-be, or yes, her suitor, feel it necessary to script out a proposal so that is “worthy” to be on Youtube? Is there a Youtube proposal board out there that makes a decision on what proposal videos are worthy of being posted on the website? Is a person’s marriage doomed if the proposal is not at the Oscar level of performance?
I tell you what I cannot wait to see. I want to see some guy in one of these staged proposals in front of hundreds or thousands of people he does not know, get down on a knee and ask his significant other to marry him, and get a head shake and an audible “No.” Total heartbreak! Of course, the now rejected suitor will most likely switch course, recognizing that he has the sympathy of a large percentage of those who witnessed it, both when it happened and afterward on social media. Self-spinning a negative into a positive their self-directed hype machine can once more kick into gear and that 15-minutes of fame is still in reach.
The perfect Facebook life is basically the same thing. A good friend of mine made the comment a couple of years ago that no one shows pictures of their kid after they got rejected for admission to college, when they were just cut from the basketball team, or after they were arrested for doing something stupid. People naturally post good things that are going on in their lives, things they are proud of. And, for some people scrolling through Facebook on a regular basis, an unrealistic view of life develops in their mind, thinking that things are great for everyone else and questioning why things are not so good for themselves. In essence, a sanitized view of life is being presented where all is good with me and everything is great! Not that long ago a horrible tragedy took place in Colorado where a husband and father murdered his wife and two children, yet when authorities were looking through the deceased wife’s Facebook account, a beautiful, perfect life was being portrayed, rather than incredible financial hardship, an affair, and a great deal of dysfunction in the home. Look at how great our life is! Look everyone!
Why this obsession of being seen? Why this quest to have the perfect event? I blame reality television for at least part of the problem, specifically I blame those shows where people have become famous for absolutely nothing other than they were on television. The whole Kardashian brood falls into the category, as do those who appear on shows like The Bachelor. I assume there are those who see all of the attention those people get and wonder “why not me?”
I also blame my generation of parents. We have carried video cameras and now cell phones that take high quality pictures with us since our kids were born! We have attempted to document their entire life in through images. The result is our kids have developed a “look at me” mentality. We have sent the message that regardless of who they are they are deserving of attention. We have also have also taught them that they are “special,” and because of that, they believe they are entitled to having the attention of others. There has been a growing sense of oneupmanship with this generation.
Our kids are living much more public lives than ours, due in large part to all of the social media they use, as well as the proliferation of other forms of media. My generation was raised based on the principle of being humble and not drawing attention to oneself. That was seen as bragging. There were definite lines drawn between what was personal and what was public. Today, those values have changed. People welcome the public into their lives. My concern with this is the standard that it sets as people will continue to chase something bigger and better, which is not a reality. Perfection cannot be attained, and while some people get a positive feeling from attention, that is almost like an addiction that cannot be fed.
I have no idea how my kids’ lives will play out, but what I can tell you is that I hope I don’t go to a ball game some day and see one of them on the video board either giving or receiving a proposal and sharing it with thousands of people they do not know. I’d much rather hear about it some evening at dinner, or even during an excited phone call. Things like that should be shared with those who are closest to you, the people that care.
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